Mikaelas POV
I've never given much thought on our ending. The true end. No more her, no more me, no more is. On my worst days she was still there. Still a part of my world, a contact in my phone, a stranger on the street. She always existed. I thought back to a time where I didn't know her, personally. I've always recognized her name and knew who she was, but that was just a part of her lifestyle. I needed to not know her personally.
I needed to unknow her eyebrow twitches when she's frustrated. Or the ring she always wore on her pinky. I couldn't think past her favorite song or the way it sounded when she sang it, or the shapes of her face lit from a fire. I wanted to forget the sting that her lipgloss left traces on your lips, or how soft the lips were beneath it. Knowing nothing about her would make this so easy.
My chest wouldn't tighten as the elevator reaches a new floor, thinking we are one floor closer. My shirt would have one less wine stain from when I dropped my glass after I got the call. I would've experienced one less Uber trip across New York City to be here. Still not where I need to be, but on my way, not where I want to be. Never where I want to be.
This is it. I thought as the elevator dinged and everyone rushed off. This floor was brighter than than the elevator. I will always blame the lights for the burning of the tears I've been holding back for 7 stories. Not what I was about to see, not what was happening right now. It's simply the lights.
"Can I help you?" A nurse sat at the desk and i realize I'm staring right at her and i want to ask for help or say anything at all but-
"Mikaela?" A familiar voice that was once filled with enthusiasm and happiness was lifeless to my ears. I turned around to see Jess standing there with dark circles and a cup of coffee. "You came?" She sounded confused and I could barely remember what our conversation went like earlier this evening but I felt the urge to apologize but still said nothing.
"This is a VIP floor, is she family? Should I call security?" The nurse asked and I almost wanted her to. A logical reason for not being by her side- I was thrown out.
"No, sorry," I said instead.
"Yes, she's family. Come," Jess reaches out her coffeeless hand and guided my down the hall.
My heart was racing and I could feel my feet growing weak and I couldn't believe this was happening. I couldn't believe I would have to see her like this. I could hear Jess speaking to me but her words were so far away and my brain was telling me to run but I could barely walk forward let alone run away.
"One last thing," she said as we approached the last door in the hallway. "I know I'm asking a lot of you but just try to react internally. My mom is not doing well. Not that i am, but you should brace yourself because," she took a deep breath and exhaled looking towards the ceiling. She wasn't the only one fighting back tears. "Natalia doesn't look good and it doesn't look good for Natalia, but we have to be strong, okay?" She questioned squeezing my hand.
It doesn't look good for Natalia. Repeated over and over in my head. And it didn't sit with me. They were just words my brain can't comprehend.
"Are you ready?" She asked as I nodded. I just wanted to rip the bandaid off and face my biggest fear, not that I knew it was this before tonight. I just have never been more scared in my life than I was right now and couldn't imagine anything worse. I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer before walking through the door.
"Mikaela is here," Jess announced softly as we turned the corner. Heads shot up across the silent room. I lifted my head up from the floor being forced to see, forced to accept reality.
"Hello," I choked out. Her mom sat in the back corner, while her dad was sitting in the chair directly next to the.. bed.
The room was hot and larger than any hospital room I've ever been in, granted I'd only ever gone once and it was for stitches so I'm not even sure it was an actual room. I could barely see her from here, but that was fine. The more I entered, the more noticeable the tubes were going down her throat and the wires and IVs. I felt like I could really turn around, like I could really run and never look back but my feet kept walking. Kept moving forward. Her face was bruised and her legs were wrapped with cast. Her once blonde hair was stained red. Her lips were blue and cracked. Before I could grasp my reality my hands were squeezing her hand and my tears were staining my face. Why did I come here? Why am I here? She looks so.....dead.
