*147 days before*
Talias POV
I stood on the stairs of the apartment building for what felt like forever before someone rushed out the doors. I grabbed the door quickly sliding myself into the building. Sure, I could've buzzed myself up but what if there was complications? What if they said no?
The walk was familiar and I knew exactly where I was going, but I had no idea what I was doing. What I would say. What I would do. But I made my decision four blocks ago, when I was wandering the city aimlessly.
The hallway seems so much longer as I tried to walk to the door. I noticed so much that I had never before. How 4D has two fake plants on either side of the door. Or hot 3C has a handwritten sign that says "have a good day" on it.
Without time to think I watched my hand knock softly three times before falling back to my sides. I reconsidered my choice, and almost could've made it but as I turned I heard the surprise in her voice.
"Natalia?" She questioned and I turned around with a forced grin on my face.
"Hello Aggie," I took a step closer to the door. "I was just wondering in Mikaela was here.. maybe?" I stuttered on my words as the flowed out. I could have said, "never mind" or "this was a mistake, I will see you soon" but I didn't.
"Yes, let me go find her. Would you like to come in?" She pushed back the door as I nodded waking in.
I've been here three times. Sometimes there would be new pieces of art, or new pictures hanging but on the contrary it always felt the same. Warm, homey. A place where you'd escape to after a long day of work or school. A place where you could build history. I'd lived in my house my entire life and I know it'd never make me feel the way this does. This was truly her home. I thought of a young Mikaela sneaking down the hall at night for ice cream and getting caught the next morning because she didn't wash her bowl, giving herself away. And briefly it made me feel better.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" She didn't sound disappointed as much as she did confused.
"I just wanted to talk, I guess," I said looking past her as her sister walked into the room. She waved, I waved back. I'd never met her face to face, we've talked on FaceTime but that's it. Extremely loyal to her sister and her cold shoulder wasn't a good sign. "Can we go to your room?" I asked seeking privacy as the small voice laughed passing back through.
"It's not a good time. Amand-" of course. I was stupid to think she wouldn't be here.
"Oh, I see," I cut her off quickly not wanting to hear her name. Knowing she's stayed the night here put me more behind on my mental comparative list. She was winning, still. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry," I let out a small giggle hoping to convince her I wasn't as disappointed as my face claimed.
I turned to walk to the door as she grabbed my arm, pulling me back towards her. Her eyes were tired and dark and her bottom lip was tucked under her teeth.
"Tell me what you came to say, Tal," her hand was still gripping my arm and I held onto the lingering pressure.
"I guess I just wanted to see you," I sighed as she cocked her head to the side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm not giving up on us," my words shocked me but I stood by them. "I will wait for you now," I walked closer as her eyes searched my own. I could feel her breath on my lip. And I'm sure she felt my pulse begin to speed as her grip on my wrist grew tighter.
"I love you, Tal," she whispered so close to my face. My eyes closed at the sound of her voice. "So much it hurts me," she continued. "Nothing and no one could ever change that. But that's the problem. Loving you hurts me, me loving you hurts you," she dropped my arm and stepped back. I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't face her.
"It doesn't have t-" I tried to protest before she cut me off.
"Is this the way it's supposed to be? Like I've never felt anything like this and you know Tal maybe you should just try to move on. I just think that if we were meant to be together we will be at some point. But right now I can't invest everything it takes to be with you right now," her words were cold but her face was warm. When I got the courage to look at her she was staring so intently. So hopeful.
Her focus cut between the sound down the hallway and myself. Amandla was in the phone and I could barely hear her but the confirmation that she was there hurt more than the thought of her being in Mikaelas room.
When her attention was mine again I let out a sigh and began to walk away. Before I got to the door I turned to her, "I don't care what you say, I'm not giving up on you, on us. I love you," she opened her mouth to respond but I left before she could.
I know you love me too I thought to myself as I went back down the hallway, to the elevator, and out the front door. I wasn't sad, or mad, I was motivated and ready to fight for her.
