HAYAGURA- AN UNTOLD STORY

First death?

Kagura's POV:

It was in Summer, when i realized that Haya would be my best friend forever and that i would surely like him forever. Not just as a best friend but... potentially as my boyfriend. 

I was young, hopeless and pathetic with the idea of love. All the love stories felt like heaven and all those sarcastic and sad quotes felt shit. At least back then it did. 

I remember how much i'd care about him, walking to his training grounds daily, hoping to see him, making sushis and lemonade, then after training going to see the cherry blossoms. 

Then one day he broke a news to me. He told me that he'd be going to compete against the ninja who had broken his clan's rule and since betrayal must be paid back by blood, they chose the strongest kid to grow up to be one of the best. Haya too, was the most suitable candidate ever, training diligently, working hard and there were times where i'd put ointments on his blistered hands and feet. 

But it was then. 

One day  as i was going back to my house, i heard Haya was going to train far away and that he wouldn't be back for months. I had just met him in the day and now to hear that he'd be going away was so saddening. WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME?

I was frustrated with the thought of him not telling me so i called him out and demanded to know why. Although at some point i knew that he didn't tell me because he'd know i'd want to come along but that's not the point. The point is that he's supposed to tell me everything! And he hid the biggest thing for me, knowing that it would hurt me. 

'Why didn't you tell me?' 

'Tell you what?'

'QUIT PLAYING HAYA! Why didn't you tell me that you'd be going away?'

'Who told you? So you must also know that i'm leaving today right?'

' WHAT? You can't leave me here.' I pleaded but he shook his head no. 

'I have to. I can't put you in any kind of danger. It would be a disgrace if i let anything happen to you and you know that.' He spoke gently but it wasn't doing anything good. I was mad, very mad at him. 

'We can do this together.' I tried to convince him and at some point he did look convinced. 

'So, i'll just see you at night. It's kind of a secret mission so don't tell anyone about it.' He told me in that way so i was sure that he'd take me along with him. 

But the night came and went but... he wasn't there. I waited a long time until i realized he wouldn't be coming again. Yet, i still managed to have some faith. Until my parents broke the news for me in the worst way possible. 

'He left you Kagura, he isn't here. He won't be back.' 

And you want to know how that sentence felt? Like you knew you were falling down and there were things to hold on to yet you refused to survive. My whole world came crashing down. And i didn't know if i could survive that. 

So that's my first death.

And why i call it a death is because he killed that part of me that actually cared. He killed half of who i was and i didn't want to move on. I stayed in denial for days, months and whole three years until i realized that i should screw this shit and live my life the way i wanted. 

Then came a change. 

Then i took my Seimei umbrella and went to the land of the dawn to do what i always wanted to do. Most of why i wanted to go was because i wanted to support Haya but then again everyday i reminded myself that he's not worth it and then i moved on. 

I kept everything to myself. I didn't reach out to anyone and i sure as hell didn't talk to anyone. I felt sad everyday. This void inside of me wasn't filling at all and i missed him so bad that i can't even comprehend or tell you. The longingness was too much for my own good. I did try my best to date other guys too but it sure as hell didn't work out because none of them were Haya. And that's good as well as worse for me. 

That's when all the sad saying and quotes and stories started to make sense. That's when everything became clear to me. That  indeed he was my first love and i would never get over him; never. 

So with that thought i kept everything to myself. Sure there were guys who i did find charming, but i couldn't bring myself to trust them ever. So therefore, some times i thought about Haya a lot, when i heard cute stories, i thought about him. Everything or the other led me to Haya and it was so frustrating and i kind of started to accept the fact that i can't change my feelings, nor can i change someone else's feelings. So instead of trying to throw myself into the dark again, i tried my best to rise above it. Because some times people rise outside the person they've been, to become the person they wanted to be; the person they are. 

That's how i left him, forever. 

Or so i thought.