Reassurance to the Doubts [SaguKai]

Chapter 1

"I think I am starting to like you, Hakuba Saguru, and I would like to go out with you," Kuroba Kaito had said to him face-to-face after school on the day Valentine's Day happened, February 14th on the year 2019, at the time of 13:47:52. However, instead of giving an answer to the confession, Hakuba Saguru left immediately while panicking and anxious without a reason.

And it had been two months since the incident happened.

He had yet to give Kuroba Kaito his answer and much to the blond's surprise and disappointment, the young magician never asked for one, probably thinking that it was rejection the moment Saguru left.

Saguru collected his thoughts as he sat on his chair at his spot in the classroom, waiting for everyone else to arrive for the teacher to start the class. He sighed silently as he took out his notebook and write down all of the questions his mind conjured, pouring all of his thoughts on the piece of paper, not noticing that he was also emitting negative self-talk behaviour.

- Why does he like me?
- Honestly? I do not know. What is there to like about me from a guy's point of view anyway? My looks? Nah, my blond hair kind of drives everyone away from approaching me. My eyes? They creep them out too since it is not really a normal colour. My height? That is utterly ridiculous. My fashion sense? Hah, I am snorting. Who would like someone who wears old Sherlock Holmes clothes? No one, that is who. My charms? I thought that only work on girls. Cool and charming vibes... That is an even more ridiculous matter to think about. Kuroba? Attracted to my charms? Pfft, as if. My personality? Hah, I am an asshole according to him. So, what makes me think he likes my personality? Bloody hell. My brain?

"..." Saguru stared at the paper for a few seconds, mind rushing with thoughts while at the same time blank. "No, definitely not. If he is attracted to my intelligence, he would have been in love with Kudo Shinichi instead. The detective is certainly smarter than I am," he murmured quietly to himself.

- What is with the sudden confession? Springing the question to me that he likes me and wanted to date me when just a day ago we were still (friendly?) rivals?
- That question is a question I do not have an answer to either. Kuroba likes girls. He likes Aoko-san, which is such a huge contrast to compare her to me. Do I have blue eyes? No. Brown hair? No. Soft girlish look? As if. Am I his childhood friend? Heh, no. Am I a girl? Pfft. Do I even look like one? No sense of humour, no appreciation to 'art' of magic like Kudo-kun-

Just a critic, KID once said to him on one faithful night at his heist. You're nothing but a critic, tantei-san. Always ruining the show. No appreciation for art at all. At least Meitantei appreciates my tricks. Saguru smiled ruefully at the memory. No one gets hurt at KID's heist, he thought back to the unspoken understanding between the thief and the task force. Does getting hurt emotionally count?

- How can I know that he is genuine?
- I am unsure. He does look genuine but then again, he is a good actor. He has a good Poker Face. I am not sure whether what he says is fake or not these days. Again, a good actor.

- How can I know that he is not messing with me?
- I do not know how to answer that too. He does play tricks on me a lot but this is the first time he tricked me about him liking me. Would Kuroba really stoop that low just to trick me? I do not believe he would do that. Perhaps he is not messing with me.

- How can I know that he is dedicated to me if we ever decide to date each other?
- Kuroba does not strike me as the playboy type, however. Aside from flipping the girls' skirts (only Aoko), shamelessly saying out loud the colour of their panties in public (also Aoko), he might a committed person in a relationship.

Saguru glanced mindlessly but sharply taking in information at everyone in the classroom as they wait for their teacher to enter the class. He then looked towards Kaito and Aoko, who were playfully arguing about something again, as always. The soft glint Kaito held in his eyes as he looked at Aoko made Saguru think about how he acted around the blond.

Mischievous, cold, annoyed, amusement. Never soft. That thought made Saguru frown, heart cracking apart just a tiny bit in hurt.

- Do I trust him?
- In what sense? Trust him on having my back? Absolutely. I do trust him in everything. All except for handling my heart. I do not want to get hurt. No one ever does. I do not want to lose someone that I call a close friend silently because of this struggling relationship. I do not want that to repeat again. Getting... left behind like how my ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends had done back in London.

- Do I trust his words?
- ... I have no idea? I wanted to but... I do not know if I should.

- Is he really attracted to me?
- If I am being honest, no. He does not seem attracted to me. Anyone, but me.

- Do I like him back?
- Yes. We are not even dating and I had actually managed to get myself hurt even without confessing to him. I am utterly hopeless.

Saguru sighed again for the umpteenth time and tried to relax from dropping further into his depressive thoughts. Seems like the teacher was absent since the substitute teacher is not paying attention to anyone but her phone in class. Saguru then went back to stare at the paper, giving in to the depressive thoughts, in the end, unable to fend it away.

Kaito will never like you.

There are a lot of people who he could choose.

He does not even tell you anything about Kaitou KID.

But he had told his favourite detective, Kudo Shinichi.

See that?

He does not trust you with his secrets even when he knew you know of his identity.

He does not trust you, Hakuba Saguru.

Nothing but a critic who ruined his shows to him.

He even said so himself.

Saguru didn't notice how he was twitching and flinching at every thought that crossed his mind or how his breath had started to quicken or how he started to curl into himself to be smaller. Then, his brain registered a soft voice speaking to him and a comforting hand that was rubbing his back gently. "It's okay. You're safe. You're okay. You're in the classroom right now. You're in school, Hakuba. It's April 13, 2019," Kaito spoke softly to him when the blond tuned in to listen to what he was saying. Saguru gasped for air desperately as if he's drowning in the water, clutching onto Kaito tightly as he sobbed his heart out.

Everyone around him looked concerned and shocked. No one had ever seen the usually composed detective lose control of himself. No one spoke a word nor speak of the matter even after Saguru had calmed down, which the maroon-eyed male was grateful for. He didn't really want to answer any questions right now.

Dazedly, he could feel the brunette's hand running through his hair lightly, humming a tune he didn't recognise.

When Saguru was feeling a little better, he began to pull away. Neither looked at each other nor spoke a word about what happened. Saguru didn't notice his paper was gone from his clutch either after that. Not that he remembered. He just stayed quiet for the entire school session.