I Make Him Smile

Chapter 9 - A Blossoming Romance

Waking up to see messages from Wonho was amazing. Usually cute single lines, but they were perfect. Sometimes I would get the first message in. The same thing happened at night. Over the next several weeks it was easy enough to message and talk. Even though he was busy he still had time for me. Sometime in this period we had a discussion about his pet name for me. He finally gave in to stop calling me it. He said he still wanted a secret name for me that he could call me during interviews and on FanCafe. I said yes, but it had to be cute. Something Monbebe would love and still feel special with. We also asked a lot of questions from each other. Sometimes during our video calls one or two of the other guys would be there too. He started teaching me Korean and I helped him with his English. It really did feel so natural. It was easy.

The time in between messages gor a little longer after he got back to Korea. Between the time difference and his schedule it just wasn't working. We still tried to make things work.

One day he called me through video. He was in his studio.
"Y/n. I wanted to talk to you." My heart started beating a little faster. "I know it's been hard getting together to talk and I'm sorry.
"It's ok. I know your busy. I get it. I could never expect or even ask you to make more time for me."
"Wait. There is more." I help my breath. I expected bad news. Since we hadn't been talking as much and the newness had worn off, I figured he was going to end things. It wasn't like I hadn't tried to prepare myself from the beginning for something like this anyways. I could feel the tears fill my eyes. I didn't want it to end. It didn't matter that he was half way around the world. "Hey." I didn't hear him though. "HEY!" I jumped a little. I looked back at the video of him. I needed him here. I needed to lay my head on his shoulder. "Lost again? How can I pull you back?"
"I'm here. Please just give me the bad news."
"What bad news?"
"The news that this isn't working. That you think we should be done."
"What?! Why would you think that?"
"You sounded so serious. I know how important your music is, your fans also. I don't ever want to come between that."
"You could never come between that. Don't ever say that. You are just as important as those!"
I could feel the tension easing from my shoulders.
"Y/n. Do you want to know why I'm in the studio right now?"
"Because you don't know how to relax and take time off?"
He smiled at me. He laughed. "Yes normally. But do you know why right now?" He didn't even wait for me to answer. I could tell that he was excited about something. "I wrote Monbebe a song. Well, it sounds like it's for all of them, but it's especially for you. The guys all love it. The love the dual meaning. We have recorded it and are putting it on the next album as a secret track. That brings me to my name for you. I am going to call you my song. You inspire me. Even if we aren't talking as much as I would like, or as much as you would like. You mean so much to me. I don't have enough words to tell you how I feel."
I was speechless. Not only had he not broken my heart, because in my life that was what I was used to, he had healed it more.
"I'm beginning to think I need to figure out how to put a tracker on your mind so I know where you go. In almost a little jealous."
It was my turn to smile. "I was thinking how much you have helped heal my heart since I met you. I am sorry I thought the worst. It's what I'm used to."
"I promised you once already that I wouldn't break your heart. I will promise you again right here, right now. I won't hurt you."
The tears that wanted to flow earlier started to now. But not for the same reasons. I tried to change the subject. "So, can I hear the song?"
He laughed. "No. Not yet. But I wanted to give you a present. And since I'm not there to give you something, this was what I could give you."
"I couldn't have asked for a better gift from my gasu." He smiled so big.
"You are learning so well on your own! I like that name from you. Your singer, your gasu."
"Then those will be our name. You are the gasu, the singer to my song."
We talked for a few more minutes before we hung up. I felt more at peace than I had in awhile. I was his inspiration! I smiled. I needed to learn to let him be different for me. Let him be able to keep his promises and not doubt him.

Over the next several weeks I gave him the space he needed as he got ready for the groups comeback. We messaged every day, but not overly too much. He posted on FanCafe for Monbebe. Sometimes he even posted for me on FanCafe. I knew it was for me because he called me his song. Those posts were so special. It was like he was announcing to the world that we were together. Yet it was even more special because no one knew, and those posts were just for me. I would post on FanCafe calling him my gasu. I would slip it in with a note to all the guys. Someday we would be able to announce it to the world that we were a couple. When and how I didn't know. But I had faith it would. Until then I could keep my dream alive. At least for me.