When it Gets Hard [JC Caylen Fanfic]

14: goodbye...

*CHEY'S POV*

So, JC and I took the plane back to Texas yesterday and I fell asleep on the plane and I guess I was in a deep sleep or really out of it because I don't even remember getting to my moms house. I woke up in JC's arms and decided to wake him up

"JC... Wake up" I say quietly while shaking him. He wakes up surprisingly quick. "You look like you have slept at all" I say shocked by his the bags under his red eyes.

"Yeah, you were rolling around, talking and crying in your sleep and I just stayed up to make sure you were okay. I got about 3 hours of sleep" he replies while rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, well, I want you to go back to sleep then"

"No, you're awake so I'm awake and we're going to the hospital today how sick my dad is and how he's "recovering". The thing is, he isn't recovering, he's on life support. I know he isn't going to make it but I still have a speck of hope. I wish he would just wake up.

"Okay, can we go get ready then?" I ask JC and he nods his head in response.

We go to the bathroom and take a shower together to save time, and get dressed, I pull my hair into a pony tail and wear no makeup. JC just wears his usual clothing and we go down to the living room to see if everyone else is ready to leave. I see my mom, and my 3 brothers waiting for us and we go get in our cars.

We reach the hospital and my mom insist we wait on my grandparents and that she has something to tell us. They finally arrive and my mom starts talking.

"Okay, so, we all know that dad has been on life support but we also know that he doesn't want that. He's told us all that if this was to happen that we should pull the plug and so, that's what we're going to have to do"

By the end of her short speech I'm bawling my eyes out, and I think I'm literally going to be sick to my stomach.

"No... NO NO NO. This can't happen. That's my daddy. I'm his princess. I can't lose him!" I'm yelling as loud as possible and i've collapsed on the ground at this point. I'm the only girl out of me and my siblings, so while they're trying to be strong I can not be strong like them. I'm weak, and I need my dad. My mom tells us that we'll each get a chance to talk to my dad before we officially say our last goodbye. My grandma and grandpa say a few words, then my mom and then each one of my brothers say something. One thing i'll never forget is my little brother just repeating "you promised."

"You promised to be there to see me graduate. To teach me how to drive. To be there while I become a man. Now I won't have a man to teach me to be strong... You promised you wouldn't leave" and I felt so awful for everyone experiencing this and everyone who has ever experienced this.

... Then it's my turn and I have a mouthful "Dad. I love you. You were the first man I ever loved and you are the strongest person i've ever known. You were strong for mom when she had cancer, you were strong for me when I had boyfriends and when I felt heart broken. but now, you won't be there an you can't be strong for me. What about when I get married? Who's going to walk me down the isle? Who am I going to have a daddy daughter dance with? Who's going to help me deal with my boy problems? Who is going to tell me lame jokes that make me laugh more than they should? Who's going to sing terribly and not care about how bad he sounds because he likes it? Who's going to call me beautiful everyday?" I pause "who's going to be my dad?" Tears are falling and I know I can't stop it and I start having a panic attack on top of everything. Why me and my family? Even JC is crying.

Hours later we finally leave and the last time I will ever see my dad is this memory. His cold, lifeless body that once was filled with energy is my last memory of him. All his stokes, and heart attacks, his kidney failure. I should of prepared myself and I thought I could handle it but the truth is, no matter how much time I had to "prepare" it was going to destroy me.

I'm happy I have JC to help me through this.. We have to stay for a while longer for his memorial and all that. We decided to cremate him and we're going to get necklaces with his ashes in them. Yeah, it probably sounds creepy to some people but that way he'll always be close to our hearts.

******** a week later ********

Today is my dad's memorial and we're having it at the church I use to go to as a child. It feels so sad, being around all these sad people saying sorry all day. Sorry doesn't help, I understand you're trying to be understanding and kind but maybe a hug, an "i'm here for you, it'll be okay", but no, all we get is "sorry for your loss". Well, I'm sorry for my loss too. JC has been my rock the last week, and has held me together because all my family is too weak to do it for me...

People say it's hard when you lose someone at a young age, like 2 because you never even got to know them, but I think it's even harder when you're older and you completely understand what's happening. When you've spent so much time with them and they haven't been able to completely see you grow up. They aren't there to guide you threw things anymore. I think it's hard to lose someone who you've got such a bond with, that you would rather die than them. I think loving someone is hard.