My boyfriend, Kyle, and I started dating back in senior year of high school. That was two years ago. We had been friends since the 8th grade and as the years went by, he caught feelings and me being the nice person I am, I agreed to date him. Not to make myself sound like a bad person or anything but I wasn't all that into him in the beginning but after a month or so of us dating I caught feelings as well. Kyle is the best boyfriend any girl could ever ask for. He's taller than me (his height is one of my favourite things about him), he's smart (not to be cocky or anything but so am I, lol), he's a super chilled guy. I could call him at any time of day and he would come running. He cares so much about me and I care about him too. I would do anything for him, I genuinely love him. We've been together for a year and 5 months, we became official on the 10th of September 2017. We're now both second year students in uni. He's studying Law and I'm a Mathematics and English literature double major with a minor in Music (it's a weird combo, I know). Despite us always having tons of uni work, we always make time for each other, I honestly feel like we spend way too much time together since we study together after class and chill together when we're not doing our work. We do spend time apart but I feel like it isn't enough. Now you might be wondering why I don't just ask for more space ...
See the thing is, I want more than space. I want to end things completely. I don't know how to do it though. I'm scared of hurting him considering how much he has helped me get through. I'm scared of the consequences that might follow as a result of the break up. Having to explain to his parents why things are all of a sudden ending. Our relationship would ideally be what most people want (looking from the outside, of course).I love him, I really do but I'm just not in love love with him.
He was my first everything. First guy best friend. First kiss. First boyfriend. At first I thought I had expected too much from my first kiss since in the movies it's this perfect fireworks-in-the-sky-feel-like-you're-floating-in-the-air-with-butterflies-in-your-tummy moment, it was nothing like that. I then told myself that it was probably because I was inexperienced and I had no clue what to do so I kept telling myself that with time it will eventually feel right. Same with the sex. The first time we had sex was the last time we had sex because I wasn't feeling the things I had grown up seeing people feel in movies or in the books I'd read. I thought it was supposed to be magical and feel like this out of body experience that compared to nothing else. I was wrong. No. I am not bashing my boyfriend. He's amazing. I just feel like things would work better if we were just friends. He honestly deserves better than what I have to offer and I don't see this thing of ours lasting considering how one-sided it is (even though it's not obvious to him).
