Recovering Ashley

Prolouge.

Isaac...

Silence. I've never really been a fan of it. I always find it... weird I guess. I'd much rather have some type of noise going on around me. I think there's only one noise that I absolutely hate, and I'd gladly stay in a silent room over hearing it.

It's the noises of a hospital machine, hooked up to someone. So I guess you could call it the sounds of her soul.

Her.

The one girl I've actually longed for, wanted next to me. When everything and everyone around me was falling apart.

Including me in my own way.

You would think, that you can't fall in love at a young age, that you just wouldn't be able to understand the feeling of it. And, maybe I don't. But I refuse to believe that I don't understand what I feel for her. Even after all of this time that I haven't gotten to grow with her, I still feel like I have in a way.

But, it's been way too long. And I can't keep doing it. I can't.

As I lean against her hospital room doorway, in my tux for graduation, where she should be right now. I look at her, because at a distance, she only looks like she's sleeping.

I slowly walk over towards her bed taking in her pale skin and dirty blonde hair that lays across her shoulders and chest. The hair I used to tug, and then I grew to love. Love the way it felt on my hand, as I ran it through.

She looks like an angel, and maybe in another world right now, she is.

I have a feeling that all of the hoping I've been doing is going to go down the drain, that... four years in a coma seems like too long, she should either be awake or dead. She's practically dead anyway.

And that's why I can't do it anymore.

I sit down in the chair next to her bed and stare at her for a moment. "Hey, Ash." I say, taking a deep breath. "I... I think, this will be the last time I visit." I whisper.

I feel tears prick my eyes and my throat burns as I say the words. But I blink them away, swallowing the lump down.

"I love you, so much. But, you aren't waking up, and I can't wait around as a new chapter of my life begins. That's why stopping before the summer time will be best, I can get out there and, maybe find someone." I say, causing a tear to roll down my cheek.

"The only fear I have with that... is that I'll always compare her to you." I whisper.

I would like to think I'm not that selfish to do that to someone, but I've held onto Ashley for so long, just letting her go doesn't even feel natural.

I grab her hand gently, causing her heart rate to pick up. I glance up at the machine and frown, causing me to let go.

"What I want to say, is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you aren't here, that my hoping hasn't been enough. I really am." I say, wiping my eyes.

I take another deep breath and stand up, walking closer to her bed. I lean over and press a gentle kiss to her forehead, holding it there for a second. I slowly pull back and look down at her.