Letter to a friend |L.

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by JPJ_159cm

by JPJ_159cm

Dear L,

I remember telling you and the boys 'I'm kinda in the middle' in a shaky voice full of sobs and tears running down my face expectant of harsh words or criticisms after my reveal.

One of the boys had asked me if I was gay... An awkward guess after many. Each of you trying to figure out my secret.
We made a deal with the boys. We'd both say our deepest, darkest secret in return for theirs'.

It was a foolish trade. The boys admitted to buying vapes with their pocket money and smoking outside the church.

...You were surprised when I cried, I never cried in front of you, well...There was one time when we were younger and one of the boys in the 'enemy' group said that you and I were too chubby and that we couldn't be cool like boys.

It was baby fat, we grew out of it. The boys didn't.

I only ever saw you cry, I didn't cry. Not when I watched 'Up' or 'The Notebook', not when my brother tore my notebook because I drew him funny.

But you, you always cried. I took.it upon myself to protect you since that first time, you were eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich, though...Half of the contents were on you face rather than the bread. We were sitting in park and you looked away for a second to watch a squirrel scurry up a tree.
When you looked back, a naughty pigeon had taken your lunch.

After that day I knew you needed... An LGBT Bff.
(At the time, I didn't realise it was me. I mean I was like 8, my first thought was to try find a gay guy in my friend group. *More than 5 years later and I still haven't found one.)

Y'know the one, the cliché gay best friend who defends the protagonist from douchebags?

If you don't -- Where have you been the last 20/30-something years?

When I think about it now, I'm pretty sure you knew in some strange, psychic, best friend way.

I remember talking to you privately for the first time since coming out.
You told me 'I didn't expect it from you,'
Since that day I've just wanted to ask you what you meant by that.

There were so many clues that made it so......Obvious.

So, L. If you ever get the chance, call me up and I'll pay for the coffee, and please tell me why...When the others thought it was so clear that I had been that way my whole life.

Yours Sincerely,
(The Breakfast Club)

Your LGBT Bff.