What is depression?

Wishing I was dead

Everyday I wake up , wishing I was dead. They say everyday is a blessing and yet for me it's a curse. I lost all sense of ever being able to feel happy. Every meal itself is a pain. I no longer feel the joy of any food. It's hard to bite, chew and swallow when you have no appetite to eat a single thing. I always ask myself why do I have to be the one suffering from this illness known as depression. I see the people around me happy, enjoying their lives, having friends, family , and their loved one to care for them. But for me, I'm always alone. No one cares, no one understands. With depression, it feels like I can never feel love, no one can ever love me. Because it's the sad truth that no one can ever love me more then I hate myself. I hate myself so much that every moment I wish I didn't have to breath so I don't have to continue this miserable life. Seeing other people happy, I wish I could say I'm happy to see them happy. But deep down inside it kills me and I can't feel happy for them. Because I always ask myself, "why can't I be happy just like how they are?" . I used to think to myself and tell myself everyday that things would get better , I just had to believe. But years passed and it never did. I wished I was never born. There is really nothing to be happy for. It's a really sad thing to always be sad.