Skinned

¤ Decay ¤

Control.

It became the very word that haunted the entirety of my mind, a sheer reminder of what I failed to acquire when I allowed my nature to consume me completely. And it plagued my conscience at a constant time that left me suffocating in an overriding guilt. I was weaker than what lived beneath my skin, and that weakness alone costed the life of another wolf.

Not only did I kill a woman, but I also ended the life of an unborn pup, and their blood stayed painted in the palm of my hands.

"Valerie," Killian called out quietly from behind me as I stood by the window and watched the sky turn grey, waiting for the impending downpour.

"What day is it?" I questioned him.

"It's Thursday."

I frowned as soon as I realized how the days were quick to run by. I could no longer keep track of time since I was taken under Killian's supervision, and not once did I think about stepping outside the comfort of his den. It had been exactly four days since I took Celeste's life, and the image of her fighting through every breath remained fresh in my mind.

"You need to eat, Valerie," he told me nonchalantly, "You haven't gotten anything since yesterday."

I let my finger graze along the window, keeping my back facing the Alpha that stood firmly behind me.

I couldn't find it in myself to consume anything; everything that was supposed to be edible didn't seem to be as appealing to me anymore.

Because to eat was to chew, and chewing reminded me of my wolf taking pleasure in eating the life out of Celeste.

It was a nightmare to have witnessed her murder behind the eyes of my wolf, and morally broke me when I felt her flesh run down my throat.

As soon as I regained consciousness under Killian's den, I went straight to the bathroom and forced myself to purge Celeste's residue from my stomach. And it was only then that Killian came back to witness me standing alone in the kitchen with my fourth glass of water, trying to cleanse the taste of her that lingered on my tongue.

Again, I felt the bile rise up to my throat upon recalling the memory, and I immediately shook my head to decline Killian's offer.

"No, not today," I mumbled.

The sound of air leaving Killian's nose meant that his patience was close to meeting its end.

"I wasn't giving you a choice."

I clenched my jaw and looked at him over my shoulder with eyes that told my hostility, "You've never given me any."

As if my words were quick to make their damage, Killian closed his parted lips, his expression dropping as he let his eyes cast down to avoid my own.

And I hated how I wanted to take back what I just said.

Silence filled the living room as we stood apart from each other, our eyes locked in on a quiet war until I decided to return my gaze back to the world outside the window, avoiding the apparent hurt that was quick to take over his features. I could feel his eyes running along my skin, the heat travelling to my shoulders before coming to a stop at the back of my head.

"I can never apologize enough for what I did to you, Valerie," Killian said softly, his voice easily reaching out to me, "But there's never a time where I'm free from the shame of causing you pain."

It was so simple for him to be transparent, to bare his weakness only for me to imbibe, and I figured that all the truth he gave me was something that I never really deserved to hear.