"NO YOU DON'T!!!" I screamed in a high pitch that probably could've busted glass. "YES WE DID!" Nash yelled with the other 8 guys standing behind him nodding. Hayes was at his friends house so it was just the rest of them. "Why won't you tell me the truth" I said gritting my teeth in annoyance. They keep lying to me and I'm literally about to go ballistic over it. "We are." Was the only answer I got. That's where I lost it. I grabbed the nearest thing I could find and threw to to the wall smashing it to pieces. I couldn't stop there though so I grabbed a vase and threw that, the feeling I was getting from doing so was exhilarating but calming at the same time f that makes sense, xo I kept going smashing everything I could get my hands on into the wall. When I went to grab something again I felt two strong arms holding me back. That drove me back to the point when I snapped causing me to go crazy. Kicking, screaming, hitting and even attempting at biting.
After a LONG struggle with Cameron I finally gave in. I'm currently on Shawn's bed with his arms wrapped around running his fingers through my hair, slowly rocking us back and forth. "Do you see what happens when you don't take your medicine? You've gotta remember to take it from here on out." he said calmly not realizing what he really just said to me. Quickly I sat up and went to look at him. He followed and I could already see him regretting what he said. "I didn't mean it that way! Your not crazy! And even if you were it wouldn't matter because your like all of our little sisters and we don't care. We all love you as who you are, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry that you took it the way you did." His eyes filled with regret. As much as I wanted to not care I couldn't. I felt that burning sensation in the back of my head that meant I was about o go insane. There was no way I could fix it as much as I wanted to. Before the rage that I knew was coming hit I got up to take a walk. Even if it meant alone in a path on the woods in the middle of the night. The boys will worry about me but even that is better than having a repeat of earlier. All I had todo was walk for a while and wait for the pills to kick in. I took them not to long ago so it might be a minute but i think I can live with that.
Quietly I made my way down the steps and slipped through the front door trying to be quiet. Outside it was completely dark except for the small spotlight that the moon shone, showing the perfect path to walk. The only thing I can hear is the hushed, soothing sound and rhythm of crickets. That was sure to calm me down and make this walk shorter. My feet made their own way down the path. I've found that I tend to do that a lot. Just kinda lose my head and let everything go. When things like that happen it makes my life easier. Much easier actually. The problems just fade away and I am easily fixed.
I know your probably wondering why I'm even here. Why I went insane and am now trying to calm myself down out of my primal rage. I have intermittent explosive disorder. It makes it so that I burst as easily as a bubble. When I do it's over things that shouldn't cause me anger at all and if it does cause me any it shouldn't be as much as it is. If I so much as forget to take my pill one day I'm going to have problems, like today. Looking back I don't think that the guys were even lying to me. Maybe it wasn't them but I don't know.
FLASHBACK***
"Shawn?", I asked wondering if he was awake from his nap. When he didn't respond I laughed loud
Hoping to wake him up. Luckily I succeeded and his eyelids opened effortlessly causing me to believe that he wasn't actually sleeping and he just wanted to make annoyed. Scoffing I rolled over making the plan in my head to ignore him for the rest of the day. Of course I knew I couldn't. I get bored and then I just end up talking to him as if nothing had happened. That's always what I do. I'm not even sure why I try to ignore him. I know it's not going to work.
"Breeeeeee, Bree baby, Breeeeeee" he sang out in his sing song voice that nobody could resist. I hate that I'm that easy.
"Shawn when are we going to-...oh hey Bree! I didn't know you where here." Matt said walking in, quickly stopping himself from going on.
"Yeah I'm here what were you gonna say?", I asked my voice rigid. Trying to be tough isn't easy in a house with 9 boys that are ten times tougher than me. As much as I try it doesn't work and I hate it.
"Oh nothing just coming in to say hi and how ya' doin'. Good morning or good morning in other languages that I can't currently think of. That's it! Nothing more! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go-and-uh-clean."
Wow he's a great liar.
END OF FLASHBACK*****
So basically nobody would tell me what was going on, and I flipped. I really didn't want to but it's not like I tried to. Still I don't know what they were talking about and I really want to, but that's not going to happen. I'm almost back to the house. It's probably been an hour since I left. Hopefully everybody's asleep by now I can't get myself into much more tonight. Knowing those boys though non of them except for shawn and aaron are asleep, maybe not even them.
