Jeff Dunham One-Shots

Hockey Player!Female!Reader (Smut)

Summary: You run into Jeff after one of his shows, then he asks you out

You were sat in the very front row of the stage, you were so excited to see another Jeff Dunham show. You've seen so many before, you enjoyed seeing his shows. You laughed a lot during them, and you always bought front row seats. "Hey, Jeff, you see this lovely young lady in the front row?" Jeff and Walter looked down at you, your face showed a bit of blush but you smiled. "Yes, I see her, Walter, why?" "Isn't she a beautiful woman?" She chuckled. "Yes, she is a very nice woman." "I've seen 'er at many of the shows." "Yeah, she's been to lots hasn't she?" Walter went right up to his face. "What?" Then he raised his eyebrows and moved away. "Oh, nothing..." She chuckled, and Jeff smiled at her.

The show went on, and then, Peanut came on. Peanut looked down at her. "Ooh, look who's back Jeffy!" "I know, Peanut." "Isn't she pretty?" "Yes, she's very pretty." Peanut zipped up to his face. Jeff looked confused at first. "What?" Peanut kept staring right in his face. "You should ask her out." Jeff blushed furiously. "I don't even know her!" "Well, let's get to know her!" "No-" "What's your name sweetheart? You in the white shirt." You smiled. "Y-Y/N." "That's a beautiful name, what do you do for a living, Y/N?" "I'm a hockey player." "Ooh," He went up in Jeff's face again. "Interesting, huh Jeff?" "Yeah, what's your team called Y/N?" "T-The Canadian Pythons..." "The most famous team in the world?!" Peanut and Jeff were in shock. Jeff made the puppet look at him, then back at you... You had a very heavy blush spread on your face. "How long have you played for?" "Since I was around sixteen, and I'm thirty-six." "Wow, quite the player, huh Jeff?" Jeff laughed a bit. "Yeah, she is isn't she?"

After the show, you walked out, a little nervously, you had people come up to you saying that Jeff might've liked you. Why would someone like you, you thought that question over and over... You honestly had a crush on him yourself. Because you weren't paying attention, you ran into someone. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going..." "It's alright, Y/N." You blushed, you looked and there was Jeff. "Jeff, quite the surprise to see you out here..." "I came to look for you..." "M-Me?" He smiled gently. "Yeah, you..." "W-What for?" "I think Peanut was right about one thing on that stage..." You chuckled while looking down, a light blush spreading on yours and his face. "Like?" "About asking you out..." You were speechless. "I want to get to know you, Y/N, you've taken all your time to come to my shows, and I'd like to owe you something back." He took your hands in his with a gentle smile, your blush became more visible. "I have another show here tomorrow night, would you like to have dinner somewhere tomorrow night?" You were speechless, completely speechless. But you smiled, this was your chance. "Sure, that would be nice..."

You exchanged contacts with Jeff the night before, so he texted you saying he was coming to get you in an Uber... The Uber arrives and he steps out of the car, you smiled and walked up to him. "You look beautiful, Y/N..." You were wearing a Canadian Pythons shirt with your last name on the back, along with your jersey number, a black leather jacket, and ripped jeans. You also had black converse on your feet. "Thank you..." You mumbled then he let you in the car, Jeff gave the driver a location then he looked at you. You smiled at him gently then he took your hand.

You finally arrived at the restaurant and ordered your drinks. "So, what does your career look like, since you said you play with the Pythons..." "O-Oh, well... I am marked as one of the best players, says the league at least..." Jeff rested his head on his fist as he listened to you speak. "What's your league called?" "United Hockey League." "Didn't your league get a new team?" "Yeah, the Ukrainian Blades." You two talked a little more about your careers, about Peanut, and some interests you both have. You ordered a salad and Jeff ordered the same. You two enjoyed each others company, you were really happy that you got dinner with him. "You know, I've actually been to a few of your games before..." You smiled at him, obviously surprised. "You have?" "Won against the hurricanes." She remembered. "My last game with them was last week in Winnipeg..." He smiled, but it was more of a smirk. "You didn't." He leaned farther on the table. "Oh, but I did..." "You were at that game?" "I was. It was fun to watch, a good victory too." "What row were you in?" "Front row." "I can't believe I didn't see you..." Jeff chuckled and you two smiled. "You're so beautiful..." He took your hand and laced your hands together. "Well, you don't look too bad yourself." He chuckled lowly, which you thought was kind of hot. You honestly thought he was very handsome, you loved the way he looked.

You both eventually left the restaurant, holding his hand. "I had a fun time tonight, Jeff, thank you..." "No, thank you, for accepting my invitation." He held your cheek and stroked it with his thumb, you bit your lip a bit making his smirk grow. "What? Why are looking at me like that?" He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him, your hands landing on his chest. "I have two hours till the show, want to come back to my place?" You had a game right after his show anyway, so you had time. "S-Sure..." You were smiling and blushing furiously, then you felt something poke on your leg. Fuck, he had a boner. You looked up at him, he was mischievously smirking. "Y-You're hard..." He chuckled lowly making your breath hitch. "I need you, Y/N..." (I literally just read that in his voice what the fuck) You were turned on by this. "I need you too..." He called an Uber and when it got there, you two scrambled in. He gave the driver the location and he smirked, you bit your lip started palming him through his pants. His breath hitched, you couldn't wait any longer. You undid his belt along with his pants, he blushed and tried to hold in his moans. You kissed him passionately and he tangled his fingers in your hair making you moan quietly. You stuck your hand in his boxers and he moaned shakily as your fingers brushed against his cock. You pulled his boxers down enough for his cock to spring out, his eyes were full of lust. You bit your lip then lowered your head, taking his cock into your mouth. His breath hitched and he tangled his fingers in your hair tightly, you bobbed your head at a fast pace, his cock going far down your throat. Jeff bit his lip as his grip on your hair became tighter, your nose touched his pelvis and a quiet moan escaped his throat and his head leaned on the seat. His cock twitched in your mouth and he came hard in your mouth while you bobbed your head at a fast pace, you pulled your mouth off and did his pants back up. You kissed him again and he smirked into it.

When you arrived at his hotel room, he pinned you against the wall and kissed you roughly. You moaned at the contact and he removed your shirt, he removed his shirt and started kissing your neck. You loved the feeling so much, you loved the feeling of his lips on your skin, they were so soft... He started biting your neck. "N-No hickies, I-I have a game later..." He smirked down at you. "Sorry, darling." His voice was low and sensual, no one has ever seen this side of him... You were one of those lucky people. He kissed you passionately and you wrapped your arms around his neck as he had a tight grip on your waist, he dragged you to the bed and laid you on it, crawling on top of you in the process. He pinned your hands above your head and continued kissing you, he started grinding on you as he kissed your neck. You moaned and tried to free your hands from his grip, but it was to tight. "Fuck..." He moaned against your skin, you whimpered. You couldn't wait any longer, you were very desperate. "P-Please..." "Please what, baby?" Your breath hitched at his low voice. "Please, fuck me." He chuckled on your skin then looked into your lustful gaze. "As you wish, my dear..." He undid your jeans as he kissed your stomach, you were shaking in anticipation, you just wanted to feel his cock inside you. "Eager, aren't you?" You nodded with a whimper, as he pulled down both your jeans and underwear then kissed your thighs. But then you felt his tongue inside your entrance making you moan shakily, you tried not to be too loud since she knew people would be complaining if she was. "You look so beautiful, Y/N..." He continued to lick your entrance while you moaned, gripping the sheets as you did so. You were already close, you arched your back as you came closer to your release. "D-Daddy, I-I'm close..." He thrusted his tongue deep inside you then you came, he pulled his tongue out then made his way up towards your face. He kissed you passionately then he stuck a finger inside you, you moaned on his mouth while he stretched you with his fingers. "Ready for the fun?" You moaned and nodded, he pulled his pants and boxers off then he found a condom in his bag, slipping it on after he removed the package. "Ready?" "Y-Yeah..." He entered you and you moaned along with him, soon enough, all of him was in you. "Fuck, you feel so good inside me." He chuckled breathlessly and started thrusting slowly, you wrapped your arms around him as you both moaned from the pleasure. He started thrusting faster and you moaned out when he hit those certain bundle of nerves. "T-There, fuck, right there!" You whined out, he thrusted harshly into that spot repeatedly making you and him a moaning mess. You two couldn't hold back on all the pleasure you both were feeling. You eventually came close. "I-I'm cumming!" "Cum for me, Y/N!" He came inside the condom while you came on his cock, he took a couple of breaths before pulling out. "Y/N?" "Yeah?" "I love you..." You smiled and kissed him gently. You held his cheek after you pulled away. "I love you too, Jeff..." You two then got dressed and cuddled for a bit. "By the way, Y/N, what time is your game and what position do you play?" "It's an hour after your show and I play center. I'm also the captain of the team." You stated proudly, he chuckled. "I can't wait to see your game..." You smiled and cuddled up to him...