Wretched and Divine

All we need is just a little patience

When Slash woke up he thought he was dying. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like the air was being sucked out of his lungs, he felt like he was chocking. He couldn't remember what had happened, he couldn't understand where he was. All he knew was that everything hurt and that his ears were ringing as he heard muffled voices coming to him from far away. They seemed so far away. He felt so alone and distant from everything around him, as if he wasn't really there, but rather just floating somewhere along the room, half there and half someplace else.

Soon a nurse appeared at his side to check his pulse and other things -Slash had no idea what she was doing- and only then Slash noticed the uncomfortable tubes stuffed in his nose and the plastic shoved down his throat that prevented his from opening his mouth. Oh, that was why he was chocking and suffocating to death. How nice. Truthfully, nothing really prevented him from breathing, it all actually made it easier, but to Slash it felt like he was stuck in an oxygen-less prison.

Thankfully the nurse felt his discomfort and removed the plastic from his mouth, finally allowing him to catch his breath.

He was sure she was speaking to him, asking him something, how he was feeling probably or something along those lines, he could see her mouth opening and closing, he could hear the sound of her voice, but the words didn't make any sense in his head and he didn't currently possess the ability to formulate any sort of answer. And when he opened his mouth automatically, like he knew he had to respond somehow, nothing came out.

The nurse simply smiled at him sympathetically and in understanding and petted his hair for a while and after making sure that he was stable, left him to rest.

As soon as Slash felt that he was drifting to a dull and dreamless sleep, he was forced awake by loud shouts and yells. And suddenly he could see much clearer and he could understand everything he heard, as Axl approached him with an angry face with hot tears streaming from his eyes and an extended accusatory finger pointing at him, swear words and profanities exploding from his mouth.

"You son of a bitch! Idiot! Bastard, how could you do this to us? To yourself? To me?" Axl yelled, his last word barely audible, nothing more than a breathless whisper, but Slash heard it.

And slowly but then all at once the memories came flooding back to him. He thought back to his argument with Axl earlier that morning -or was it yesterday, he didn't know what day it was anymore-, he could recall the miserable show later that day -he had been a mess during the whole of it, couldn't concentrate, just wanted Axl to look at him again and just stop hating him-, could remember the newly acquired syringe and heroin he took from a member of their crew in order to make his pain go away, because everything had hurt and he hadn't been able to shake from his head the look of hatred in Axl's eyes as they stared at him. And it had worked, because all of a sudden he couldn't recall Axl's yells and betrayed eyes, but maybe he had taken it too far.

"How dare you Slash?" Axl yelled, bringing Slash back to reality. "You died, you hear me! You were dead! Listen to me Saul, you were fucking dead!" he hissed.

"Yeah but I'm alive after all" he said half-jokingly and half bitterly, thinking to the mess he had made of himself, of Axl, of them all.

"Don't you dare joke about this, I thought I lost you, I thought you left me".

"I though you hated me" Slash said in a soft, barely audible whisper and at that moment Slash really hated himself for how weak and vulnerable he sounded.

Axl was too surprised for a moment, too stunned by Slash's words to respond.

"How could you think that?" he asked, his voice breaking somewhere along the way.

"You purposely ignored me during the whole show, refused to even come near me. Wouldn't even look at me. And when you did all I saw in your eyes was hatred and bitterness and something else entirely that seemed too much like disgust and distaste" he said in a small voice.

"I could never be disgusted by you Saul, I was just angry about our argument yesterday morning" he replied softly, all his intentions to scream and shout completely leaving his body.

And really it had been a stupid argument. How could Slash think that Axl could ever love someone else, could ever care enough about someone else to spare them a second glance, was beyond Axl's understanding. So Axl had been angry, angry at Slash for being so utterly ridiculous, but mostly angry at himself for allowing Slash to have these insecurities and not taking notice of their existence for far too long, for not telling him he loved him enough times, for not treating him like the best thing in the world, in his world -because that's what he was, is, thank God, still is.

And so they fought, pointless random insults thrown at each other, hurtful words with no truth or meaning behind them, with no purpose other than to blow off steam in an effort to avert the attention from their owns shortcomings and insecurities.

"I'm sorry" whispered Slash, looking down, tears starting to pour down his face.

Axl put both his hands underneath Slash's head and lifted his chin up, making Slash's eyes meet his own teary ones and slowly patted his tears away from his cheeks with his thumbs.

"I love you" he said "and I'm sorry too". He didn't kiss him, just pulled the younger man closer to his chest, embracing him as they both sobbed, expressing their feelings and unspoken fears through their shared tears. And for now that was enough.

After what seemed like hours, but was in reality only a few minutes, they calmed down and Axl moved back from their embrace and climbed into the bed to lay with Slash. Slash turned to him, resting his head on Axl's chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. Slowly they both fell asleep, content in each other's arms.

A little later, after they figured they had given the couple enough time to sort their feelings out, Izzy, Duff and Steven walked into the room and were immediately greeted with the sweet sight of their two best friends sleeping in each other's embrace, snoring softly, having finally found their peace.

Duff though they looked adorable, if he dared say so, and he quickly left to fetch the cuddly snake Axl had left in the waiting room, swiftly returning and placing the adorable stuffed animal between the two sleeping figures.

They were, are ok after all.

                                • • •

So this is my first story ever that isn't a one-shot.

Tell me what you think about it and don't forget to vote!!