FCKGURL.HAECHAN sequel

sixteen

The couple drove down the coast, the windows down and the wind smacking against their bodies. It was peaceful. Just the two of them driving and listening to music. Nothing special. Nothing crazy. Well, it wasn't anything special or crazy until "Let It Be" by the Beatles came on and Donghyuck pulled over to the side of the road. Jiho didn't know what was happening but she watched as Donghyuck pulled his car to the side and parked it.

"Are you okay?" Jiho asked as he hit the volume button to turn off the music.

"I can't do it anymore Jiho! I can't! I can't keep fucking pretending like everything's okay! My mom doesn't talk about him and she gets pissed off when I do! I can't keep pretending like he never fucking existed! I can't!"

"Everyone's always complaining that the last year of high school is so hard. That it's the busiest and that it's gonna drive you insane. But they don't get it, they don't have to do what I do everyday! I thought I was gonna be busy with applications and deadlines and all the other shit, but I ended having to play fucking "daddy" and pick my brothers up from school and then get them a snack and then make them do their homework, take them to soccer, clean the house, do my projects and homework and on top of all of that, deal with my mother who has decided that it's better to erase my father from our memories! But I remember him! I remember feeding him when his hands stopped working and reading to him when the medicine for his pain was too strong and he did nothing but sit, his mind half there and half not. I remember the night he died and how he kept begging for me to take care of my brothers. And how he insisted that I needed to get you back because you guys had a deal-"

"We did." Jiho mumbled.

"What?"

"One of the days I went to visit him, we made a deal. He said, 'Keep him happy, make him happy, be his happiness'. He told me to take care of you when he couldn't any longer. And I promised."

Donghyuck sighed, "I'll never be happy again."

Jiho wiped his tears, "Don't say that Hyuck."

"It's true. I wish I was gone and he was still here with my family."

"That's not funny." Jiho warned him.

"I'm not trying to be."

"And what would the boys do without you?" Jiho asked him as he turned off the car.

"They'd continue on. Everyone would continue on." He murmured making Jiho scoff.

"Mark would be driven insane. He'd wonder how he never noticed his bestfriend wasn't happy or feeling good. He wouldn't know what to do with himself. He'd be completely broken. And Renjun, he'd enter his room at home everyday and see all the sketches of us that he collected, all the sketches of you. You know, the ones of us all sitting at lunch. Or the ones of you playing soccer with Jisung. And the ones of me and you, your hands cupped around my face. He would have to tear them all down and try to forget you. Jeno would have no one to talk to. No one to tell his stories to. You're the one he trusts most. He would be completely stunned and probably guilty. Guilty because this entire time he was telling you his problems and you were never telling him yours. What would that guilty thought lead him to do?" Jiho explained, staring at Donghyuck who was looking into the palms of his hand. He looked like he was searching for an answer, but he wasn't going to find any.

"Jaemin would go quiet. Quiet because you brought out the real Jaemin. The loud Jaemin that everyone knows and loves. He would go mute. He would be cold again, like he was before you two met. And Chenle, he'd ponder trying to decide if any of his jokes and remarks ever took it too far. If maybe any of them hurt you, actually. Not a roast or anything of the sort, just pain. He would slip into a guilty conscience. And Jisung. Oh god, I could not even imagine Jisung without you. He'd turn completely silent. No glimmer of light in his eyes. Just plain loathe and mourning. He'd be the Jisung that everyone would be afraid of. He'd be broken and no one would be able to repair him because he wouldn't have you. His fellow prankster and jokester."

"And me, Donghyuck. I'd never love again. I would never open my heart to any other soul because mine belongs to yours. Yes, you're my soulmate. I'm gonna marry you, seriously. I know it. I would be crushed. I would never be able to walk on this earth again, the same way I did in the past. Completely miserable, no one to run to. People would ask why I act how I do or appear how I am, and the others would tell them it's because my first love didn't want to breathe anymore and feel pain. I would see your brothers and understand that they lost both your dad and you, the only men in their lives. And your mom, she would wonder what she ever did wrong, that the universe had to rob her of her loves."

"So yes, Donghyuck. We would all continue on, just your face would be sewn into our souls. And every passing day we wonder what we could have done differently to make you happy. And I would never want to continue on like that. Because I love you. I do."

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I haven't been feeling great recently but I'm really trying to feel better ):

-Mames