What I've Gained (Narry)

Chapter One

I was only nine years old when I first realized just how cute the other boys in my gym class were. I would sneak glances when we were changing. I never actually thought I was gay, though. I assumed it was just a phase like the Teletubbies and power rangers. I thought maybe all guys experienced what I was feeling. I was wrong.

I grew up in Mullingar in the midlands of Ireland. It wasn't a big city like London, but it was a nice town. I was raised in two separate Catholic homes once my parents got a divorce. I had been taught that being gay wasn't okay and that God didn't like gays. I've since learned that being gay is okay, and God still loves me.

Throughout my time in school, I kept quiet about my feelings toward boys. I couldn't have everyone thinking I was gay, especially since I was going to an all boys school. I was actually really good at keeping it secret. I never told anyone. I even dated girls to make it seem as if I were straight. When they started getting to the point where they wanted sex, I would quickly break it off. I just wasn't a fan of vaginas.

At one point, when I was fifteen, I began being courted by a boy named Eric. He went to the public school, and I had met him through mutual friends at a bonfire one night. I was flattered but uninterested. Eric just wasn't my type. He was a small guy, a bit over five feet tall and only one hundred and two pounds. He had blonde hair, brown eyes, and glasses. I was into more muscular guys. I wanted a guy with dark hair and light eyes. Glasses didn't really matter. I also wanted a taller guy. I always told the girls I preferred to date a short girl, but what I really wanted was a tall, dominant guy.

Once I turned sixteen, I auditioned for the X Factor in Dublin. As a solo artist, I didn't get far. Not hearing my name get called felt horrible. After a little while, though, four guys and I were called to the stage together along with a group of girls. The boys and I ended up being put together as a band. I hadn't really realized who I was being put together with until I really looked at them. As far as I knew, these boys were straight, but Jesus they were hot. I was especially into the boy named Harry. He was everything I wanted in a guy and more. Every night I would pray, hoping Harry was possibly gay or bisexual. Of course I knew developing feelings for a boy in the same band as me wasn't a great idea, but everything about him was so right. After seven weeks of knowing each other, somehow Harry and I became close. We had our own inside jokes, we shared clothes, we shared similar interests, and after a couple more, he shared his sexuality.

"I'm not gonna lie," he said with a laugh, "I find guys attractive. I hope that doesn't bother you. You're the only one in the band that knows. Please don't tell the other guys."

"It doesn't bother me," I told him. "In all honesty. I'm attracted to guys too. Gosh, I can't believe I told you that! I've never told anyone. It was my secret."

Harry shared with me that, in his hometown, he was openly bisexual. He said that people in his town weren't as harsh about it as he thought they'd be. I wished I had the balls Harry had because coming out in my hometown would be a slap in the face to everyone.

Even though I had a huge thing for Harry, I ended up never telling him. We continued our lives as if we never admitted our sexualities, except I constantly thought about the fact that I had a possible chance with Harry.

Our band ended up losing the X Factor a week later, but Simon Cowell still ended up signing us. I was ecstatic. Not only would I get the chance to do what I love, but I would get to do it with the guy I was falling for.

A year and a half later at the age of eighteen and in the middle of a tour, I was still hopelessly in love with Harry Styles. Harry became more perfect with age. His muscles grew due to him working out, his jawline became incredibly noticeable and sexy, and he was just overall perfection.

Falling for Harry was easy, getting him as a boyfriend, though...not so much.

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Hey guys, so this is the first chapter to my Narry fan fiction. What do you think? Leave your comments below so I know whether or not to continue. You can follow me on Instagram at @NarrysXFactor :3

~Taylor :*