What I've Gained (Narry)

Chapter Nine

"So you guys almost kissed?" Louis asked, smiling wide.

"Yeah," I sighed, running my hand through my hair in frustration. "He hates me though, Lou. I don't know why I did it. I shouldn't have. I've fucking up our friendship." I cried out in distress and yanked on my hair, tears lightly streaming down my cheeks. Louis pulled me into a hug and I buried my face into his chest. He whispered calming things into my ear such as, "It's all gonna be okay, Ni," and "He's just confused."

I pulled away from the hug and got from my position on the couch and headed towards my bunk. Harry was in the shower at the time, and Zayn and Liam were napping in their bunks.

I pulled myself up into mine and lied there facing the wall still crying silently to myself. Why did I have to fuck everything up? I asked myself.

For the next few days I distanced myself away from the lads. I stayed in my bunk unless I needed to use the bathroom, go to rehearsals, a signing, or a show. Louis brought food to my bunk for me since I wouldn't leave. I could swear I was feeling myself getting fatter by the minute.

"Please talk to me, Ni," Louis said as he pulled the curtain to my bunk back. I stared at him blankly. He sighed and placed a plate with a slice of pizza on my stomach and set a coke beside me then left. Of course I felt bad, pushing Louis away and all, but I couldn't be bothered to talk or listen or even care anymore. Harry had spent those few days happy and treating the other boys better than ever. I'm just completely ignored, not even receiving a glance.

I slowly at the pizza as I thought about the relationship or should I say, friendship, Harry and I used to have. We could hug and cuddle and make jokes and laugh and hold hands and it wasn't a big deal or weird in any way. I felt a couple of tears roll down my cheeks and I sighed. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

-

The next day we had rehearsals for yet another show. Usually Harry and I would goof around a lot, but since he was ignoring me, he was glued to Liam. I felt a pang in my heart throughout our entire set and I couldn't even think straight. Harry was laughing and being all clingy on Liam while I was left off to the side alone, crying internally.

Louis started messing around with his mic, and I have no idea why but he decided to speak up to Harry.

"Harry," he said, "why aren't you messing about with Niall?" My heartbeat quickened. This is an answer I've been waiting for.

"Shut up, Lou," he laughed. Pang.

"Come on, Harry, look how cute and innocent he looks!" Harry glanced over at me then looked away and waved the thought of me off. Pang.

"I don't know why you're mad at him," Louis said, "but you're best friends."

"Louis-"

"Are you ignoring him because you're....in love with him?" Louis smirked as Harry's face flushed.

"L-Louis-"

"You're ignoring him because you want him. You were afraid your friendship was going to be ruined if you guys kissed, though. Huh?" My eyes widened. Louis, no!" I screamed internally.

"Y-You told him?" Harry asked, looking at me angrily.

"I...Harry I-"

"You told him!" He screamed. "My secret Niall, that's all I wanted to stay between us, but of course you had to run your fucking mouth! No, Louis, I don't like him! I would never like someone like him." Break.

I could feel the pain in my heart as soon as the words left his mouth. I could feel the tears flowing down my face and I didn't even care. My heart was more than just broken, it was shattered. It felt like the room was spinning and I couldn't walk straight. I dropped my mic after standing there for a few seconds and ran. I ran and ran and ran and didn't stop. I didn't stop until I couldn't hardly breathe anymore. I ran out of the theatre, down the street, and just continued on. I ended up stopping by a railroad. I stood there and listened as a train was on it's way to my location. Step on the tracks and the pain will go away. Step on the tracks, it isn't like Harry loves you. Step on the tracks and you'll make everyone happy. Just do it. Step on the tracks.

I put one foot on the tracks then instantly retracted it. What are you doing?! You're mother wouldn't survive without you! Your father would cry as well as your brother. Louis loves you. He treats you like the brother he always wanted. Liam treats you the same and so does Zayn. Harry's an asshole. He doesn't deserve you. More like I don't deserve him. No. He doesn't deserve you. Did you break his heart? No. Exactly. He broke yours. Don't step on the tracks, your fans will miss you. Don't step on the tracks, your mates will miss you. Don't step on the tracks, your family will miss you.

Step on the tracks, Harry hates you.

I don't know why, but the thought of Harry not liking me just outweighed the thought of people missing me and for some stupid reason, I stepped on the tracks.

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No joke, I cried so hard writing this like NIALL DON'T DO THIS YOU IDIOT.

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Thanks for reading! I love you. Pray for Niall's safety. I'll update again ASAP.

~Taylor :*