I was a happy kid first day of middle school it was so light I was so happy to see my friends from my elementary days I honestly felt free I didn't feel trapped I was smiling with my happy face my clothes was so open with shorts and T-shirt's I felt comfortable in my skin so back to the 1st day saw my friends we all was so happy we came to the same school we was so close I never met people who have made me so happy that day went by like nothing they showed us around taught us how the day to day will go from morning to evening life felt so easy I felt middle school was so easy September hit things was still great August was all laughing meeting new people and talking to my crush but later that month family stuff got harder people in older grades at the complex I lived at just made fun of me and I started to believe it I looked at my body and called it fat I looked at my face called it ugly I stared at myself going back and forth on who I am who was I? Am really what they say? Almost end of September people calling me names making rumors being used shoved around I couldn't help to feel like......dying then people notice I was sad made rumors to teachers I was gonna end my life that broke me because all the teachers talked to me had me be safe my parents was called they talked about it I felt so terrible and the nagging on about it added more sadness they talks how they kept certain things from me just made me feel so terrible to put that strain on my parents later in the fall November hit the sadness only grew people still calling me stuff I slapped my best friend I couldn't handle anything I would stare at a knife for hours thinking if it was a way out thinking my life is just not worth the time then I met her..... she was the bright of my night she kept me alive and before I would think the knife was the only way out until she opened a door taken my hand led me out now I'm here to tell you about how it all transformed my life I mean the sadness was still there but it was less I have to confess that the lonely knife was still in my desk wanting to be used I was never abuse just mentally and I physically did it I would hit myself if I couldn't do something right for the winter and spring summer I was a bummer I would bully myself I never felt myself I wish I could feel myself but the numbness only grew sometimes I look in the mirror and ask who are you......? Because the man getting out can't he's beating his way through but the depression monster grew and locked him away he couldn't get out I WOULD SCREAM AND SHOUT THE ONLY THING THAT CAME OUT WAS THE BAD CHOICES I DID I FELT TRAPPED LIKE A BABY IN A CRIB I COULDNT TALK I COULDNT WALK I COULD BARELY CRAWL EVERY DAY I TRIED TO GET UP I WOULD ONLY FALL IM SO SMALL IM NOT TOUGH IM A MESS MY EMOTIONS ARE JUST STUFF but my regret was keeping it on a hush......
