August start of my 7th grade still lost still yelling at god for how much of a mistake I was how much a fool I was how useless I could at that time is all I though about few months of hell go by it's October and I start getting lil happy I start moving on then I get into a fight people said the other guy won they they harassed me saying I was weak or I'm surprised he lifted your fatass up which in all currency I was only 160 just had more of a stomach than the average person at the time I also was having a intimate relationship we didn't call it official but I wish I asked when she held my hand and kissed my cheek I felt a part of love a part of happiness everyday I would go outside and ride bikes then go play hide and seek I felt happy and free then news hits in November a family member died I didn't cry I guess I was in shock it taken me 4 months after the death to finally cry and I broke down but a month after the death we decided to move my parents was already looking at places my relationship was going to end my friendships was ending and once I moved a month after I fell back into my old habits and depression broke from its cage like a dragon burned all of my hope and dreams I had grown my hair out wore jackets all the time with the hood up I felt alone and always trapped with my thoughts I couldn't let the close friends to me worry so fake me being happy god I wished I asked for help I didn't because I felt vulnerable if I did like I was weak and no one would like me as a friend if I did I wore sweatpants and socks much up my leg to hide a lot of my skin because I didn't feel like myself in my skin I thought it would help to start poetry which it did for some time I filled a notebook full of terrible written poems all saying how I had no purpose and all of that which didn't matter because over the summer I stopped it only wrote every like 6 months but that's all for my 7th grade in 8th is where my life changed forever and started the construction of the person I am now
