Finally alive (Book 1)

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"I might be losing my grip on reality. I learned so much these past weeks, and the double life I currently have might be to blame. I will probably repeat myself, but what I'm experiencing now is better than I could have ever dreamt. I have met so many amazing people and learned so many things.

The culture, beliefs and their interactions are so fascinating, and if I could, I would never sleep just so I could drink it all in.

During the few hunts I had with Jake and Neytiri, she went on about the Omaticaya connections with nature here. I know Jake is skeptical about this, but I can see that it can't just be them and nature. There is so much more.

I'm skeptical too. But I can feel something bigger than any of us in my bones. Something pure. I.. I don't have the words for it.

But this double life is taking a toll on my human body. I feel tired every second when I'm..me, in my human form. It feels like the most sleep-deprived hangover with added dizziness. Maybe I feel so because I keep having these dreams. Really realistic and lucid dreams. I think it's because I still haven't gotten used to the lush greenery. It's just so bizarre, and not all of them are about just the green forests.

It seems that Jake and I see each other only during dinner time. When we are at our own bodies we just acknowledge each other with a simple nod and that's it. We rarely talk during the day, since we are constantly on foot, doing something. Both Neytiri and Tsu'tey are really set on what they do.

My relationship with Tsu'tey mended slightly. Well, his behavior towards me has. He actually initiated a conversation like a week ago, and not about my training. He asked about why I decided to be like I am now. I don't know what he meant exactly, so I rambled for an hour about my crappy life before Pandora. Even though I'm not the best conversationalist, I enjoy spending time with him.

Uhgh, I need to call it a night. I'm pooped."

I barely get myself off the table, being done with today's recording. Grace always persisted that both Jake and I did them the same day, no matter how exhausted we were, "While it's fresh."

I collapse to bed, vaguely noticing Jake climbing in the next bunk bed, not looking too hot either. Others were already asleep, thankfully.

The next morning, I felt like death. The supply of coffee was going down quickly, and I have no doubt the minute that liquid ends all five of us will have a crisis.

Today was exciting because I will finally get my own ikran. Well, I will try to tame one. The Na'vi calls it differently, but I keep forgetting the term.

I heard raised voices in the other end of the trailer, so I shuffled towards them. Jake and Norm were at it again.

Grace was nowhere to be seen, so I interjected before they ripped each other's throats.

'Guys..' they ignore me. 'Guys!' I yell, too tired to wait. 'How about you two stop acting like two little girls and do some actual work? By the way, Norm, Grace is looking for you.' I growl lowly at the men.

Norm leaves fuming, and I huff and lean to the counter.

'What was that all about?' he asks, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

'I'm tired of you two fighting like dogs.' I grumble, yawning so wide, I felt my jaw crack at the base of my head.

'I'm sorry, but he's just the biggest pain in my ass right now..' he puffs, sitting down at the table, his plate landing harder than necessary.

'Jake. C'mon.' I say rummaging the cupboards in the hopes I will find something remotely close to coffee. 'We have been here for four weeks with each other, so we could at least pretend to not want to kill each other.' I ramble, yelping when I find the container with coffee.

'That's the exact opposite of what should happen.' he states as I turn to the microwave to boil the water.

'I don't know what has gotten into him this morning, but I was just minding my own business and he just waltzed in and jus..'

'I got ya.' I silence him, giving him the coffee cup too. He chuckled as I waggled my eyebrows at him. I sit down in front of him. 'I heard you are still awful in Na'vi.' I look down to my cup, biting my lip. It doesn't matter what mood I am in, I will tease the marine about anything.

'Oel rä'ä omum peli'u lu nga san.' [I don't know what you are (talking about)] he says a little bit off with the pronunciation but I praise him nonetheless. He was getting on Neytiri's nerves, and the word spreads quickly in the tribe.

'Seysoniltsan, taronyu 'eylan.' [Well done, hunter friend.] he salutes me as I take a sip of coffee, chuckling. 'Speaking of hunting, how do you feel about today's mission?'

He looks out the window, where the sun was rising, making the area look more like a postcard. 'Really excited. Neytiri kept telling me how to properly get one last night.' he rubs his face.

'Good for you. Tsu'tey said it only once to me.' I frown slightly. That guy hadn't changed his demeanor towards me. I mean, I have made friends with some of the natives, even the Tsahik has approached me on several occasions.

'Come on, we should go in. Tsu'tey will never let me live in peace if I'm late again.' I say, leaving the cup on the table.

'What's that guys deal, anyway?' he asks wheeling after me. I just shrug and help Jake with the pod. Within a few minutes, he is already plugged in. I hear Grace waking up, so I hurry up and go into mine. I am not in the mood for her lecture.

Tsu'tey was the one who will be leading us today. It has been barely fifteen minutes and he already had dropped more than several comments about how Jake will break his neck. The marine looked like he was ready to snap his neck, but I sent him a glare - behave.

Other than that, the ride to the first stop was uneventful. I chatted with some of my new native friends, catching Tsu'tey look back every time I laughed. Not to brag or anything, but I got increasingly better at communicating with the natives.

Finally, after nearly two hours of the trip, we made it to as Tsu'tey put it, the Syen satsyil, the Final Climb. There were wines, that were moving together with the passing rock, adding to the challenge. I saw apprehension in other's faces and I did something I would not have done in a million years.

I took some steps back, taking a few deep breaths and took off to the edge, jumping off. I grabbed a vine, sending a prayer to Eywa for not plummeting me to my death.

Adrenaline now pumping in my veins I begin my climb, slowly but surely. By the noise behind me, I knew everyone else was doing the same. With the corner of my eye, I saw a few banshees fly by, but I keep my eyes on the target - the top of the climb.

Surprisingly, all of us made it to the destination without too much difficulty. When I finally hit the solid surface, I felt my legs shake lightly. I lean to the wall and smile when Jake stumbles into the little opening where the rest of us were squatting in.

Time to get myself a banshee.