Hey guys. Its Winteria here.
I'm still suffering from the severe depression and my inner demons. I sometimes don't even want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep life away and hope that the pain goes away eventually.
Everybody is still worried about me and they don't know what to do. I wouldn't either if my boyfriend was going through the same thing. I'd probably try to cheer him up. i just feel so hopeless. i don't know what made me feel this way but when I do i will fix it.
I know my life is good and that i shouldn't be sad or depressed but i feel if Gabby is not here its hard for me to be happy. i know people say she wants you to be happy not sad(and you know who you are) but its extremely hard at this point. She was my go to person for advice and help when i needed it. She is not even going to see me graduate nor is she going to see me turn 20. i know you guys will say she's watching from up above but its not the same as being here on Earth alive. With her family. With me.
I'm on the verge of tears everyday. I'm faking smiles and laughs.
Please. Someone tell me its going to me okay... That it will get better...
I'm tired of this sadness and depression. I just want it to be over. I want to be genuinely happy. Not faking my happiness all the god damn time.
Zak, if you're reading this, please know i do NOT mean to drag this on. Its just that I'm stuck and really just want this to end.
Its just taking longer than expected.
And this isn't just recently this has just been happening Zak.
Its been going on for 3 years. I have been faking my happiness and laughter for 3 years.
Now this isn't to say you don't make me happy. You do, don't get me wrong. I'm always happy when i'm with you. But sometimes depression and inner demons like to creep in and i sometimes can't even express myself. That's why its so hard for me to tell you what's wrong with me half the time. Its so crippling i can't even speak.
So I pretend everything is okay.
But handsome, please do me a favor:
STAY STRONG FOR ME.
FOR US <3
Back to everyone, its just so hard to know what to do with my life and i have lack of interest in the things i used to like to do.
Sometimes, I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
Someone, anyone. Please.
Tell me its going to be okay. That i'm going to make it. That I'm not a lost cause.
Signing out
Winteria
