Fabricated Reality

première

Expressing myself

Through paper and pen

Hoping this pain

Would hopefully end 

Shem

[Germany June 19 9:02 AM]

I close my eyes and held my pen so tight.

I need to think of a word. An idea.

I need to think of something and I wanted so bad...so bad to be free.

"Write something. Go on" I whispered to myself.

I have been in a cage for almost a year. I need to be free.

I opened my eyes again and saw the words I jot down in my notes but not even a single word fits to what I want.

My head hurts so badly. I scratch the newly written words forcefully to the point that it damages the paper.

I screamed. A painful, confusing and hopeless scream.

"Shandria!" Marky called out. He grabbed both my hands to stop me from hurting myself. I didn't even bother to notice that I am hurting myself.

"I can't do it." I pleaded.

"Don't force yourself. Everything's gonna be alright." He hushed me. "You heard me baby?" it's his voice.

"Everything's gonna be alright." I saw his eyes. It mirrored mine. He gently stroke my cheeks and wiped off the tears that are streaming down. His in pain. And so I am. I badly want this to end.

"Fly me back to the Philippines." I told him. I'm still sobbing but I'm pretty sure he heard me clearly. He shook his head.

Umayos ako ng upo and he went to the kitchen. He went back with a glass of water in his right hand and walk towards me while his left hand stroked his hair messily.

"No, this is our home." Sabi niya and handed me the glass of water. Ininom ko iyon as I calm myself down.

"It is and forever it will be. But don't you think I need this too?"

"No" he firmly said.

"You will heal here Shandria. Hindi mo na kailangan pang bumalik doon."

"Give me one day." Sabat ko sa kanya. Nakipag titigan ako sa kuya ko. He is surely the sweetest and most caring brother to me. I understand too well kung bakit ang higpit niya sa akin but I need this. I want to break the chains from the past so that I can go back to my usual self.

"I'm coming with you." I nodded and reached for him.

"Thanks Kuya", I muttered and hug him so tight.

~*~

[Philippines August 23 11:03 AM]

"Table for 2 ma'am?" The waiter greeted me as I entered the restaurant. I shook my head. "Sa ganda mo ma'am bakit kayo lang mag-isa ang kakain? How sad" sabi pa niya.

"I didn't know coming here in this restaurant requires to have some company." I told him. I raised my brow at him. "And besides, I don't need anyone to feed me." Yumuko ang waiter sa sinabi ko.

"Sorry ma'am" he said. He guide me to my booth and ask for my order. Palalagpasin ko 'to. Bagong dating lang ako dito sa Pilipinas at ganito na ang bubungad sa akin. Just wow!