'Di Na Gigising

• Last Chapter (Part Two) •

Last Chapter (Part Two)

This felt like dying... every damn day of my life. Patuloy akong kinakain ng aking konsensya. Sa bawat araw na gigising ako sa umaga, wala akong ibang magawa kung hindi ang pagsisihan ang lahat. I didn't even have someone to tell everything to and let it all out... no one's here for me.

"You promised..." I said as soon as I sat on her bed. "You promised me, A... you said you'd always be there for me. That you would look after me..."

I got her phone from her cabinet... only to see many unsent messages for Fabian and for me... then I found a letter for me and the same for Fabian.

Alesso,

It may be days or weeks after I passed away. I miss you so much. Don't have regrets, please? Don't blame yourself. My death? It was one of those things that you should never apologize for. Forgive yourself, ahia. You didn't kill me. You weren't the reason of my death. This is what I truly wanted. I know, you always say that this is unacceptable. That my death wasn't reasonable, but I did this for myself, okay? Bonus na lang na magiging masaya ka kapag nabuhay siya. I hope you find the true meaning of happiness, Al. Alam kong kaya mo naman na wala ako. Malakas ka. Matatag. You're one of the strongest persons that I know. Always take care of yourself. I want you happy. Always. Please visit me every weekend and bring me flowers. White roses. Magtatampo talaga ako sa 'yo kapag hindi mo ako dinalahan. Mumultuhin kita. Kidding... but be happy. Stop blaming yourself. Acceptance... in time, you'll get there too, Al. I love you.

Love,
A

I closed the letter. Paano ba makalimot? Paano ba tanggapin ang katotohanan? Hindi ko kasi alam kung saan ko sisimulan. Sometimes... I wish... I was the one to give my heart to Boe. Para hindi ganito...

"Nice, man!" Migo said as I tossed him the ball. I've been making myself busy in our trainings, in my studies... because it distracted me from all the pain that I was feeling.

Minsan, hindi na ako umuuwi. Everytime I'm at our house... nalulungkot lang ako. Home doesn't feel like home anymore without Arena. Kaya madalas, nasa gym lang ako. Kapag hindi, nasa library o kaya ay sa condo ni Migo. Nang maalin man sa mga kaibigan ko.

"Balik ka na ulit sa dating laro mo ah?" he told me.

Don't have regrets.

"Yeah... bawi rin sa team," sabi ko sa kanya.

The past few games, hindi talaga maganda ang laro ko. Dahil wala ako sa kondisyon, ending... natalo lang ang team, dahil panggulo pa ako sa laro. Good thing, Coach was such an understanding person, he understood where I was coming from. I'm lucky to have such people in my life.

"We have to get that championship this coming season."

"We'll get that, bro. I'm sure."

I only smiled at him.

"Thanks for tonight, Al. Sabihin mo ulit kina Tita and Tito na thank you pag-uwi mo, okay?" Boe said. She was about to hop out of the car when I stopped her from doing so. "Bakit? May nakalimutan ka bang sabihin?" she smiled at me.

I sighed. "T-take care... okay?"

"I will," she said as she closed my car's door.

I immediately drove myself to a club. I just needed to drink tonight. They say that alcohol takes the pain away... I don't usually drink, only when there are special occasions, because student athletes were not allowed to drink when it's playing season. I kinda got used to it.