Figments of my Brain

The Trial

I don't know why I received that message in a bottle. Sitting by the beach I had no premonition that this evening would change my life completely. The bottle contained a map and a letter written in an archaic symbolic language that I absolutely could not decipher. The map made no sense either. Either a baby or some lunatic had written this. After knowing 43 languages, I knew for a fact that this wasn't Hindi, English, Tamil, French, Egyptian, Greek, Chinese, Japanese, Gobbledegook, Troll, etc. etc.. It wasn't written in morse or mirror images either. The bottle was kinda cute though. Pink with blue spots.

Anyway, as I buried my newfound treasure in the beach and got up to go home, I was ambushed. Three men, wearing socks on their face to cover their features, held me tight, gagged me, and hit me hard on the head. The next thing I remember was being dragged through various tunnels, all cold and damp, into an underground chamber. It looked sort of like a court. Here, I was taken to the witness box and the judge, who very strongly resembled a lizard, said, "You are hereby accused of the death of the defendant's friend."

A bald guy came up to me, removed my gag and made me "solemnly promise to say nothing but the truth in my trial". I agreed and said, "Ladies  and gentlemen and lizard, I have committed no crime as heinous as you accuse me of. I am not a killer. In fact, I am a vegetarian." At this, the judge says, "Do not perjure yourself, you infernal man! There is no lizard here! And you have killed Mr Pinkyblue. Why else did you have his bottle in your hand? And where is it now? So you think you are smart, to kill him and throw away the evidence?" Said I, "I speak of nothing but the truth, Your Reptelian Honour. I am innocent. And just so you know, I am grateful that you speak English, which I understand." Judge said, "Can you prove that you are innocent?" "Can you prove that I am guilty? You are wearing a judge's apparel. I could easily say that you killed the previous judge and took over his position. How in the seven worlds did you even pass law school? You should know, Your Reptelian Honour, that a person, or reptile, is innocent until proven guilty." The judge said, "Enough! I am not a reptile. Coming back to the topic at hand, tell me why you had the bottle." Said I, "Sir, a bird flying in the sky had it and it dropped it in my lap. I had no idea what it was. I opened it and it contained a map and a letter that made no sense to me. I say it again-I AM COMPLETELY INNOCENT. You wrongly accused me. You humiliated and hurt me and now don't believe in me."

"It is alright, my child. I see now you ARE innocent. Court adjourned. We shall now look for the bird which had the bottle and bring it to justice. And you, my child, shall be the witness. The Peacemakers are here to save the world!"