Hell || JeongChan {completed}

Chapter 11: Not Good Enough?

Jeongin has been avoiding me since the day i've been cold to him. I-i just don't know how to act when you like that person more than a friend and that person is around you.

"Chris, you okay? you seem tired?" Yugyeom pats my back as he plops beside me on the couch. "Yeah. Im just fine bro."

"You dont look fine. Tell me, what's going on between you and Jeongin?" He asks. How did he-

"If you're wondering how'd i know, JYP said that you two looked unseparable. When you two passd the audition, You were both hugging each other and smiling. Which now, is weird because you both have an awkward tension between you two. So whats happening?"

I sigh deeply, "Because I-i may have... feelings for h-him..?" Yugyeom wasn't shocked. "I knew it. But by the way, you both look cute together I swe-"

"Yah! you're not helping me~!" I whined at him and he laughs, "Okay okay. Just try to get rid of the tension and get back together again, try to be close with him."

"yANG JEONGIN! yOU LITTLE— cOME BACK HERE!" Yugyeom and I heard a sound from outside. Jeongin suddenly bursted in the room and said, "Dont tell him im here!"

Then he hid in the closet. "Did you see Jeongin?" Jackson blurted out loud enough. "No. Why?" I said

"He hid my things!"

"Like what hyung?" Yugyeom asked and Jackson replies, "My bag with my charger, earphones, shirt,  phone, and etc. How dare he!"

"Oh? He's not here though. It's just me and Yugyeom talking about our past times." Jackson nods and leaves.

"Fox, you can come out now." Yugyeom says and Jeongin goes out of the cabinet. "Sit with us, please."

"And by the way, Chris, why how are you good at lying?" Yugyeom asks, "Idk, I think i got used to lying because of my shitty life and some family members. And, not to forget, my life is a lie."

"Yah! If its a lie, then how come i'm still here? Right Jeongin?" Jeongin nods at Yugyeom and i just sighed, "You'll never know. If you were in my shoes, You'd be defeated. No offense, but I gave up one time. I almost died, but that daughter of a bitchh who raised me like this fucking called me and i stopped what i was doing."

Yugyeom looks at me, "You gotta stop cursing, dude."

I shake my head. "No. And never." Yugyeom facepalms and talks to Jeongin, "So hey, hows life? I guess your's isn't the same as Chris right?"

"I think so."

Yugyeom nods at him, and continued their conversation while im just here spacing out.

he'll never like you.

you're a bitch, Chris.

everybody hates you.

I even hate you.

I know i hate myself too.

"E-excuse me for a while, i'll be going to the restroom."

After walking out if the practice room to the comfort room, and go in one of the stalls

"I hate myself. So much. Am i not worth it? Am i that useless? Am i a fucking ghost? Am i just a friend? aM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!?" I scream and punched the wall several times until it bled. "I hate you too, Chris Bang." i murmured to myself

"I. Hate. You. So. Much." I punch the wall every word i've said.

I mute my phone and threw it to the wall. I grab a fistful of my hair,

"I need to die."