Colourful

1 | Stranger Danger

She always wept because she slept alone,
But now she sleeps with the dead

"Call Me By Your Name"

....

I sat by my bedroom window, the morning sun gently caressing my naked melanised skin. All I had on was my black laced underwear and a bra. In between my index and middle finger, I held a cigarette which I would frequently bring to my mouth to take a puff.

I looked away from the window and turned to face my undone bed, on it laid the body of a blond stranger. His fully naked pink skin shone in the sunlight. He slowly turned before opening his eyes. "Hey," I barely whispered as I watched him stretch. My eyes skimmed over his body, adoring his skin, his muscles and his almost perfect curves. I had picked up a many new hobbies after Daniel's funeral two weeks ago. Smoking and nightly one night stands where just a tip of the ice berg in my sea of monstrous hobbies. It was the only way I knew possible to get him back. Revenge, don't we all love it?

"So are we-"

"You have to leave," I cut him off. Once every now and then a romantic like this guy would fall under the impression that the previous night's sex was love making and want to take our "relationship" to the next level. All I actually wanted out of this was to forget all about him, how it felt when Daniel touched me. I still craved to feel it again but I could not.

"Oh," he said, his pride obviously scarred. Yet another victim, but like all the guys before him who had fallen under the impression that there was a deep spiritual connection between us, he left his name and his phone number on my bed. He got off my bed; sheets held around his waist and pulled on his white boxer briefs. It's not like we slept together naked, I mentally rolled my eyes. He tossed the sheets back onto the bed, held his clothes to his bare chest before leaving through the window.

I smacked his behind and he stepped over me to reach the window. He flinched but didn't say anything. He definitely wasn't this quiet last night, I thought to myself. He must be shy. I watched as he left the yard, smiling as he looked back to wave. I got up from the window before tossing the cigarette bud out through the window and fixing my bed. I tossed the condom from last night into the trash bin before I entered the shower. I vigorously scrubbed my skin trying my best to wash away all of last night all that sin and forget all about it.

The memories from the last night where still fresh. I could still feel his hands on me, not the blond stranger from last night but Daniel's. His intoxicating odour lingered in my mind and room. I would spray my room with perfume but the smell would not fade.

I stepped out of the warm shower after what felt like an eternity and wrapped a small pink towel around my body. I wiped off the condensation away from the window, slowly revealing my lightly melanised skin, my bronze afro which was still wet from the shower and my honey coloured eyes which had bags beneath them pulled the knob next to the mirror and opened the cupboard, pulled out a blow dryer and plugged it into the wall.

I combed my hair with one hand as the other held the dryer. "Let me help you," I remembered he had used to say, his hands already holding both the comb and the blow dryer before I could answer. He would leave beautiful comments about my hair that left me flushed as he gently combed the knots out of my hair.

My hands fell to the sides of the bathroom basin and my face began to contort before tears slowly dripped into the basin. I slowly sank to the bathroom floor and pulled my knees to my chest before crying into them. My side lied onto the bathtub as I cried. I missed him. I hated him. I hated missing him. But most of all I still loved him. I still loved him and my heart longed for him.

For five days straight, I spent nights in my bed, chasing after sleep and losing each time. Memories of our happy times haunted me at night and deprived me of sleep. I would sometimes see him, feel him, smell him and even hear him. It was haunting! I imagined what he would say if he had seen me like this, not just on my bathroom floor crying but coming home every night with a drunken stranger by my side and chain-smoking. Disappointment is all I could see, and it hurt.

"Amandla!" my father called from below in the kitchen.

I quickly wiped the tears off my face and got up. "Get yourself together," I told myself as I patted my cheeks.

"Coming," I shouted back before running to my room to change. I quickly pulled on a pair of high waist black jeans, a white t-shirt, tie a navy blue and gray flannel around my waist using the sleeves and wear my  white sneakers before skipping down the stairs. I fake smile plastered on my face. Fake smiles are one of the things I had to learn how to do after Daniel's death; I've almost fully mastered happiness too. "Good morning dad," I said as took my seat at the dining table.

"Morning," he said from the kitchen. An apron tied around his large body as he dished our breakfast, Moms not home today. "How are you?" he asked before kissing my forehead and placing a dish of breakfast in front of me.

"No cereal?" I asked as he took his seat.

"No, no cereal," he said. "You'll have all the cereal you want starting tomorrow, your first day back at school after two weeks."

After Daniel's suicide I just could not stand seeing his friends at school, people he and I used to hang out with brought painful memories back and it was all just too much for me so my father let me skip school for as long as I needed.

"No mom either?" i ask but it comes out like I didn't expect for her to be here.

"She couldn't come today but shell definitely be here tomorrow," he smiles. "So can you go get me some things from the grocery store?" he asked handing me a list.

"No problem."

...

The walk to the grocers was very much needed, on the way I got a chance to breathe and think. I got all the things on the list and rested on the park bench with an ice cream cone in my hand. As I was eating my ice cream i noticed a boy sitting across from me. He had shoulder length dreadlocks and he was looking my way. His starring soon became uncomfortable so I quickly got up and started walking back home. I looked back and noticed that he too was now walking the same direction as me, is he following me? I picked up my pace and looked back again and noticed that he was now running and so was my heart beat.

"Hey." he yelled as he ran towards me. "I have to tell you something about Daniel's suicide!"

...