Seeing Grey

4. Grey Winters

I was soon starting to realize it was mission impossible to get Noah to fall in love with me. I could barely get him to play with me! I would sit on my front lawn waiting for him to come out and maybe I could convince him to play. Sometimes I even sat on his swing set in front of his house and his older sister, Georgia, or his mom would come out and talk to me. I blush of embarrassment realizing how stalker like that was. A lot of times I would also play with his younger sister, Janice, or talk music with his dad. Sometimes I would even knit with his grandma. I spent time with his whole family, even his newborn sister Elsie, but never Noah. It was as if he purposely avoided me.

When I sat on my lawn waiting, the mailman would give me a sympathetic smile. All the neighbors did too. Ms. Tilly would also but it wasn't only because Noah ignored me, it was also because my parents ignored me. It gave me some sort of horrendous complex no young child should have.

My dad was a passive and brusque man. He never showed emotions but, I knew he loved me nonetheless. He was hardly home and because of his status as the state's senator, my mother was crazed with being perfect. We had to live a meticulous lifestyle and I did not want to be any part of that. I was living underneath a microscope and my vivacious personality was what got me in trouble. At least that's what Ms. Tilly told me. Her advice was that I had to calm down and take things slow.

Elementary years were lonely, even middle school. Somehow I became the girl you had to stay away from and I didn't even know why. Noah wouldn't even spare a glance at me and that's what hurt the most. I couldn't have my best friends Astor and Desiree over because my mother had prohibited them since they were in a lower social standing than us. It was bad for our image. My angst grew and so did my loneliness but I never told anyone. Who could I tell that would understand me?

Then suddenly middle school began and people decided to suddenly grow up. We got boyfriends and girlfriends, we made new friends and the worst, we hit puberty. People began to like me and I finally had friends. I climbed up the social ladder of popularity and I was getting so close to being in Noah's social circle. That was my goal all along because I could finally be near him and I could hang out with him. He would realize he loved me. Well, that's what I ridiculously believed. Too bad your dreams almost never come true.

When Noah got his first girlfriend I nearly died, I wanted to die. I felt like a gutted fish, nothing inside of me. I think I cried for a whole week and then some. Then they broke up and I screamed at the top of my lungs with joy, then he got another girlfriend and I cried again. The cycle kept repeating itself. He broke my heart more times than I can count on both hands and feet.

At the end of eighth grade Noah suddenly disappeared. He was pulled out of school with no goodbyes, and soon rumors of him turning into a pothead and druggie surfaced. That was when I realized I didn't know Noah Chase− not even a little. He could have been a druggie for all I knew. That was when I realized I didn't really love him and he would never love me. It was a sad revelation and I went home in the deepest depression but what I arrived home to really took the cake.

It is something I still don't like to talk about much. But there are some things you have to talk about and this is one of them. I had caught my mother having an affair with my father's best friend. Our family was so long broken that it didn't matter but his family, his wife was the best mother in the world and his children loved him so much. I couldn't believe he would risk his wonderful family for someone as crude as my mother.

What I distinctly remember is storming up my long, winding staircase and going into the empty room to grab a suitcase. I packed my things in a rush, as my mother pleaded with me not to say anything because hers and my father's reputation would be ruined. She didn't care about her marriage and at that point she disgusted me. I ran out my door and took our town car to Desiree's house where I kept my mouth shut to everyone but her and Astor.