Lucas POV. Before the argument.
I walked in. I see Kira, in my favorite position. But I walk right past her and light my cigarette. I also see all the bruises and marks on her body. I hate seeing her like that. Her beautiful tan skin, covered in red and purple hickeys. Knowing I didn't put them there, makes me upset. I can't stay here, I need to clear my head.
I started walking to the door and as I'm leaving, she asks me where I'm going. "I need to clear my head", I say with a stern voice. She looks hurt like what I said broke her heart. I can't be here. I want to take her away from this place. I can, if she lets me. She doesn't deserve this. I can see the tears in her eyes every other night. I feel something. A feeling that makes me want to protect her. I love her too much to see her this way. Wait ?... Love ?
I can't love her. She's just a prostitute, a slut. I'm a rich businessman. I can have anybody I want and I'm over here worrying about her. She's just like everyone else. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just drunk. I can't love her. I don't love her.
I'm snapped out of my confused daydream when I hear her scream at me. "You can't just leave!" "You're just like the rest". She yells at me, like she's been keeping this in for eternity. I feel something. I've never heard her scream before. The only yells I hear from her, are the ones that come out of her perfectly sculpted mouth when I'm pounding into her. I stop walking to the door and turn around. My face, I can tell my expression was dark by the look in her eyes.
"You think you can just leave without saying anything? Not even a hug or a kiss? You didn't even smack my ass!". She's never been like this. She never tells me whats on her mind. Never opens up her discombobulated heart, a heart waiting for someone to listen. She just lays in that position and we get to business. We never really talk about anything. After the sex,we just enjoy each other's presence, we enjoy the silence. Omg, she's so different. I want to tell myself that she's not, but I know deep down inside, she is.
She's not like Sally from down the hall. Sally wants me to say all this sweet, innocent bullshit and tell her that I love her. I don't so why bother. She's not like Michelle from across the bar. She likes it rough, a little too rough. She always wants me to bruise her up and make her mines or whatever she tells me. I don't listen to that cumbucket. Then there's Olivia from next door. She's really not bad, she just bites my dick when she's giving me head and I don't like that. But Kira. She doesn't beg for me to beat her or tell her I own her . We make love. Now don't get me wrong, I can be kinky and show her that side of me that goes nonstop until they'll begging for a release. The side I show the other whores at Club Ethiopia. But not her. I show her my sweet side that handles her body with care. I don't know why. I just see something in her. Like she's been aching for an escape. I want to give that to her, but I can't. I don't love her.
"Maybe they don't yell at you at your spoiled as job but here, I don't care!" "I wonder if they knew you were fucking a slut like me." She yells at me, hurting my self-esteem. Her saying that, made me feel some type of way. It hurt badly. It felt like my father all over again. He was always yelling at me. He wanted me to be killer, a killer who killed for fun. I just wanted to own a business. I do now but we don't talk about it. Kira thinks she has me figured out. She doesn't. She's just a slut who thinks she knows it all.
Ughhhhh. She isn't. No matter what I say about her or what she screams at me, I know she's different. She's not like the rest of the whores here. My head is telling me to forget about her. That I can be with anyone else yet I'm stuck on her. But my heart. My hearts telling me to protect her, to take her away and show her all the love I'm willing to give.
"You're a little bitch, you know that. You were just begging me to stay, then you started balling your eyes out and now, you want me to go!?". If you're going to act like this then maybe I should leave!" I scream back. I can't believe I yelled at her. I've never yelled. The face she's giving right now, I can't bear it. She's looking at me like I'm some kind of monster, like she doesn't know me. I'm still the same guy. I'm still Lucas. Just confused.
"You are a grown man who doesn't know responsibility, you think you can just go to your fancy job and then come back here to fuck me?!" "You really are a bitch." I can't take this anymore. All the screams, anger, the sad truth. She's right. She's starts to cry. I feel...numb. I'm torn. Part of myself is telling me to leave, to not come back, to forget about this slut. The other half, is telling me to help her, that she needs someone to show her what love really is, to be there for her. I can't. I can't bring myself to my true feelings. So I choose the first half. Maybe I am a bitch. Ughhhhhh. All these thoughts. I pick up my coat without saying anything else and I walk out. I didn't want to further the argument so that was the best choice. I drive home, leaving Kira without any explanation.
My heart feels heavy. I don't love her. She's just a good fuck to me.
