For The Dollars Or The Love

I Guess It's Okay

Damnit, I thought looking in the mirror at fresh bruise on my face, that Draylon had given me. He said last time was the last time, and by last time I meant the eighth time. It's gotten worse since the first time, and it's always because of Chris. I've been hiding every bruise from everybody. Especially when Symphony comes around. I love him, I know he doesn't mean it, he's just hurting. A knock at my door gets my attention as I finish covering my black eye. I see Chris looking bored through the peep hole.

"Sup, bighead?" I greet opening the door. He doesn't say anything, he just steps closer to me.

"You ok?" I ask, he still says nothing, I get ready to speak again, but he stops me. His lips cover mines, his tongue licks my lips until I part them giving him access. This is wrong, I push him away.

"I want you, plain and simple. I know you got a nigga, but I can't keep being around you without telling you how I feel." Just as I was about to speak Symphony burst through the door.

"Daddy!" She yelled running to Chris, I've tried to get her to stop calling him that. But it's like once she started she couldn't stop, and Chris didn't do anything to stop her either. I gotta ask about that too. Ms. Dorothy was bringing Symphony back from the zoo with her friend, and her grandson. She loves Chris, he calls her mama Dorothy, - I was low key mad, cause that's my name for her- she doesn't mind Symphony calling him dad either. Seems like the only one with an issue with it is me. But why not, I don't want her getting attached to him, and he just up and leaves her. My daughter will not be wondering why she had a father for a minute, and none when he doesn't wanna deal with her.

"Hey Lil Bit, you had fun?" He sits her on his knee.

"Yeah, I touched a giraffe!" She exclaimed.

"You did, I bet it was tall?" He exclaimed raising his arm to show how long a giraffe's neck was.

"Yeah, even taller than you." I admit their connection was amazing, but I just don't want this nigga, that I'm just getting to know myself to hurt my baby. "Go play in your room so your mom can talk to me." She slid off his knee bouncing off to her room.

"Look I don't need my daughter getting attached, and calling you daddy if you're not gonna stick around. I'm used to people letting me down, but I won't let that happen to my baby."

"Cara I'm not gonna do that I know how you feel about that. I couldn't break that little girls heart like that, especially when I know how much she wants a father." I wasn't even gonna get into that kiss he just planted on me. At least he's respecting that I do have a man in my life. I tucked my cutie in her blue blanket after Chris said goodnight to her, and left.

"Mommy, I like having a daddy?"

"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah, specially since I wanted one for so long."

"More than you like having a mom?"

"No I like it the same." That's good, I was about to be mad as hell if Chris had not only Ms. Dorothy loving on him more than me, but my daughter too. But she sees us as equals. So as long as my baby's happy, and Chris doesn't hurt her I guess it's okay.