short stories

left turn

"It's strange to think that I never would have known about ____________ if I hadn't taken that left turn."

It's strange to think that I would never have known what adventure was if i hadn't taken that left turn.

i remember that day so vividly to a point where when i dream about it, it still feels so real. 

that cold march day is a day i will never forget.

that was the day mom and dad told me that they would be separating, and it was the worst day in my life. if i think about it hard enough, i can still fear my heart breaking in six different places. it was inevitable though.

my siblings and i all knew that it would happen, but did we? mom always used to joke and say "if your dad and i divorced, who would you live with?"

i always took it seriously, because no i didn't want them to divorce. but the fighting became too much. the fists, the spit, the blood.

all too much for me.

when they told us, i couldn't keep it inside. i screamed until i couldn't anymore. i cried until my tears became invisible.

how could you do this? you are supposed to live here forever! you are supposed to love and cherish us until we are old and dying!

i hated it. i couldn't handle it. the pain became too great. 

it was like my body had a mind of its own; getting up, slamming the pillow into all of our family pictures, and running out of the house. i got in my car and just, drove.

drove, drove drove. 

we had lived in the same part of illinois our whole lives; to the right was the elementary school we all went to, and a little ways up the road was the middle school and high school. down the street to the left was joe's pie diner in which all of my friends and i would go to eat pie after the football home opener. the local park where danny and all of his pot head friends would go and smoke, just to get kicked out by his dad the sheriff.

in this small town, everyone knew everyone. it was merely impossible not to. the small houses were stacked on each other like dominos. no one new moved in here, just people moving out, hoping to make it big.

it suddenly became hard to breathe. why couldn't i breathe? i need to stop. stop stop stop. stop the car. stop the divorce. stop.. breathing. 

why is this hitting me harder than grandmas death? than pebbles death? than when olivia decided to move to fucking missouri?

who lives in missouri??

i pulled over on the side of the road. my heart burned, my throat was scratchy. my eyes blood shot. i cried and cried for over thirty minutes, alone with my own thoughts.

they took captive of my mind. my good thoughts that once plagued my mind were now captured and thrown away. anytime they would try to speak, it was like the demons would just put tape over their mouths and silence them.

it was weird, hard even. i didn't know what to do. to run, to stay. to shut them out. to do what? what do i do? what did i do?

i ran. well i drove. i drove to the end of the street, which was a pretty long road, until i met a "T" road.

right then, i had two options.

take a right - go back to my house. that direction led me right to my house. i could go back in, apologize, understand why they are getting a divorce. figure out my living situation.

or i could go left.

ever since i have lived here, i have never went left. we had never left the city besides once. it was to go to a st louis blues game and we never went back because we had gotten robbed in st louis, so my dad said no.

going left meant leaving the city. it meant seeing things i had never seen before. it meant new beginnings. it meant figuring my shit out.

it meant adventure. it meant freedom.

taking that left turn was probably the best decision for me. 

It was hours before i came home again to face reality, but it was freedom that i know i would never get back.