Spiritual // k.p.

one

[Katy's pov]
I stumbled through the door, and called out to my daughter that I was home and I had brought some Tacobell for the three of us. After a few moments of complete silence, I walked up to her room, furious she was still ignoring me. I swung the door open, surprised it wasn't locked. At first glance I assumed she was sleeping but I didn't hear her soft snore so I stepped closer.

Blood soaked her clothes and sheets, the intoxicating smell of vodka filled the room. I pulled her into my lap, carefully slipping off her hoodie and sweatpants. A bottle of pills fell out of her pocket. I screamed for my girlfriend.

She walked over to Joie, keeping a straight face although there was so much emotion in her eyes. She bent down to Joie's bed and picked her up. "Don't you dare die on me." I heard her repeatedly mumble as she climbed into the tub with her and turned the water on, leaving me in her room, a sobbing mess.

"Katy!" My girlfriend's voice rang in my ears, "I need you to call an ambulance and get me the black box under the counter, okay honey?"

With shaky hands and unsteady feet I dialed 911 as I headed to the bathroom. I handed the box to Bon just as the voice on the other line spoke.

"911, what's your emergency."

"My daughter attempted suicide."

The rest of the conversation was a blur, but I finally heard sirens in the distance.

The paramedics rushed up to the bathroom and grabbed my baby. Bonnie and I followed them downstairs and into the ambulance.

"You seem like you know what you're doing," one said, referring to how my girlfriend started caring for Joie.
-
[ Joie's pov]

I tried to killing myself. My heart was broken, and my mind had gone astray. All I could feel was numbness. So I had a bottle of vodka chased by a bottle of pills. I dug the razor a deeper than ever before. As my blood ran out I could feel my heartbeat slowing. The dizziness came along. I collapsed....
I woke up in a hospital bed.

I heard the beeping but decided against opening my eyes just yet. The door opened and closed. Voices. Doctors. Then nothing. Again the door was open and shut, but this time there was nothing. A few moments passed before an unmistakable sob. It made her seem so vulnerable- helpless even. My mother held my hand.

"Please wake up," Katy whispered. "Tu sei tutto per me, il mio amore."

You are everything to me, my love.

I squeezed her hands and opened my eyes which closely resembled hers.

"Baby," she breathed. Carefully engulfing me in a hug she said words that I will carry with me until I am no longer here. "I'm so grateful I didn't loose you."

My mother climbed into the bed next to me and I drifted to sleep in her arms.

-
A couple hours later my best friend and mom's girlfriend greeted me. Bon looked so relived when she saw me, it was as if a huge weight of worry and pain had been lifted off her shoulders. Ryan's smile told it all. He didn't have to come over here and hug me to prove how relieved he was to see me breathing. He sat awkwardly on the chair by the bedside, since I had a mom on both sides of me. I reached across Katy to hold his hand.

For a moment everyone in the room was at ease. I could sense it. I heard my mom's heart slow to it normal pace as my head was on her. I saw that Ryan's empty eyes were once again slightly full of life. I felt Bonnie's figure relax since my hand was on her thigh. Everyone was at peace with the world, even me.

"Oh," Ryan remembered after nearly an hour of meaningless small talk, "I brought you some things." He opened his backpack and pulled out my iPod and my beat up notebooks along with my camera. "I know how you like to find inspiration."

I thanked him a billion times and begged Mom and Bon to let us go to the cafeteria by ourselves. They finally agreed and we were on our way.

"Can you hold this for me?" Ryan asked.

"Sure," I shrugged, opening my hand.
Unexpectedly, he intertwined our fingers. "I know you wanted to die. I know life sucks. I know you think you would be better off dead. Please don't take this as me being selfish, but I am so relieved that you're still here."

"Ryan," I choked his name out as a sob and wrapped my free arm around his neck.

"I have another surprise," He winked when we broke the little embrace.

"Food first," I laughed.

When we got to the cafeteria, an all too comforting gesture found its way around my torso as a small kiss landed on my neck. Nicole. I smiled widely, glad to be alive, and lucky to have such truly amazing people in my life.

"Don't ever do that again." She would've came across as angry to anyone listening, but I knew the tone in her voice was pure terror. Before another second passed her lips were on mine and her hands found their place on my waist. The connection between us was magical, the butterflies in my stomach unbearable, and the rush unmistakable.

We sat down at a table in the back corner. Ryan walked over with a tray full of fruit, he knew me better than his favorite song. We talked for what seemed like forever before finally going back to my small hospital room.

This went on for days, everyone was in and out until I was allowed to go home.

-

"Do you remember what happened that night?" My therapist asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I shook my head no but of course I remembered.

"Was there something significant that could've pushed you over the edge?"

"Not really," I shrugged.

"So you did it for attention?!"

"No!" I nearly shouted, offended someone would accuse me of such a thing.

"The hour's up," I added after a few moments. I got up and walked out.