Letters to Sam [Book 1]

7

Hey Sam,

I saw your cousin Sarah today. She looks devastated. She lost weight and has bags under eyes. Remember how jealous we used to be of perfect Sarah? There's nothing to be jealous about now. I think she looks the way I feel. The worst part is I can't show it. Everyone treats me two different ways, like I'm evil or like you are. I can't  grieve Sammy. Because I don't deserve to be able to grieve, to be sad because I'm guilty. But I can't be guilty either Sam, because it wasn't my fault and you deserved it. Except I am guilty and you didn't deserve it and I don't want to act like I didn't betray my best friend. I want someone to say something to me. I wish someone would just tell me how awful I am. I thought your parents would, your brother at least but they didn't. And today, I hoped Sarah would but she just looked at me the way your family looks at me, like I'm trash. I guess I am because what kind of person does that to someone they love? Me apparently. I hope wherever you are Sam, you have better friends. Ones who will stick by you through anything. Ones who love you more than I did. I'm really sorry Sammy.