Indifference

Cassia: A Short Entry

My name is Cassia. I don't want to use my second name, because I am ashamed of it, and the family I have come from. So, for the time being, I'll use 'Smith'. Common. Bland. Unnoticeable.
Things I want to be. Things I wish I could be, but can't. Things I think about every day.

My past is pretty shit, it's something I don't like talking about, but if you want to know about my life, that's the price you'll pay for learning about it. I was born into a family that didn't want me. Well, that's harsh, but it's the truth. They weren't ready to have me. I have no full, half, or adoptive siblings. It was just me and my parents. Parents that had no right to call themselves parents.

They weren't physically abusive, but they didn't treat me well. I was a very quiet child, I didn't ever ask for anything I didn't need, and I struggled to ask for help when needed. This counted for school, too, as teachers never knew why I faltered in maths. It's because I refused to admit I was stuck. When my parents actually bothered to attend parent's evening, they scolded me for my bad grades, by making sure I would do nothing but study, whilst they neglected nearly every other need a basic child required. I had few friends, and kept to myself. I was labeled the 'weirdo.'

I know this will sound cliché, but I don't know how to spruce up a diary. I'm not going to lie, nor am I going to over exaggerate. You'll be pleased to hear that my paternal aunt intervened, and took me in. I was under her custody for the remainder of my childhood, unaware of what or how my parents were doing. They both died when I was 10. Some accident or another, I don't know. I was never told the exact cause, but honestly, I didn't care. They didn't love me as much as they should have, so I'll return the favour by not caring as much as I should have. Karma.

The funeral was short. Cheap. Boring. They're buried somewhere in the outskirts of London, but I don't care for it. I won't ever visit their graves. You're probably wondering what I'm doing now. I'm sitting in mine and my aunt's room, in my aunt's house. We live in a small apartment together, and it's okay. Better than my parent's house, thankfully. My aunt is old and now sick, so I take care of her. I attend college and I even have a job, in a library. It's calming, and it means I don't have to talk to a lot of people whilst still getting enough money to pay for food and some of the bills. Let's hope my life goes well.