Please Don't Say You Love Me

Stupid Sgt. Malka

It's funny to think that a week ago, something was living inside of me. Something depend on my every move. And then, it's gone. In the blink of an eye. I couldn't even put into words the despair I feel. My heart breaks every moment I think about it. I break down because I am not strong enough. It wasn't only this, I have been withholding my emotions because of Liam. I was trying to stay strong, but this was the last straw.

After the dinner with Leslie and his family, I had been sent back into duty. It was sooner than I had expected, but I know that I need something to keep my mind busy. Then, yesterday I got the notice. I was being drafted to Iraq for my third time. I was supposed to leave the day after tomorrow, and I have yet to find someone to watch Lynn. Although that was the least of my worries. I had to worry about telling her, and so I was doing the only thing a parent could do when they have bad news, I was buttering her up.

So far, we had gone shopping, got ice cream, and we currently are watching some movies on the couch. She was curled into my side, covered in a big fluffy blanket, sucking her thumb. It was habit that I have tried my best to discourage, but I was letting it slide for today. Lynn's head was buried into my hip, and her arm resting on my curled legs. I could tell she was close to sleep, but her stubborn ass would not allow it.

Minus the movie playing, the house was eerily quiet. Although, it looked more like a condo than a actual house. But that's besides the point.

Maybe I should just ask Leslie to take care of Lynn. I don't have a definite duration of time I will be spending there, but it could be anywhere from 2 months to 4 years. The thought of missing four years of Lynn's life had tears spilling in my eyes.

Suddenly, my ringtone blares through the quiet house blasting 'trouble' by Taylor Swift. Westy had changed it, and for some reason I could not change it. Gently placing a groggy Lynn down on the couch, I brace myself for the cold floor meeting my bare feet. I am not one of those people who wear shoes in the house.

Soon I realize that nobody ever calls me, and I begin to get nervous. Walking over to the kitchen counter where my phone was, I see that Sgt. Malka was calling. Oh God, this can't be good.

"Good evening sir." I begin hiding my nerves like a pro.

"Norris, we need you now. You are no longer going on draft on tuesday, you are leaving immediately." I suck in a breath and worry takes over me. Who would watch Lynn? Who will my team be? Why am I being sent out so early? I knew I had a few days to prepare.

"Sir, what about my daughter? I don't have anyone to look after her." I say while glancing over to Lynn. Panic seeping through every pore.

"Carrie and his family have agreed to take her in. You need not worry, everything is taken care of. Just get here by 22:00." Looking at the clock I notice I only have 40 minutes. Fuck.

I rush to Lynn's room and pack all her clothes, her blanket, and her favourite toys. All her stuff took up two bags, all filled to the top. Within a moment of realization, I remember about her letter. After Lynn was born, I composed a letter for her. She was only to read it if I didn't come back from a tour or draft. Running to my bedroom, I snatch the letter up from my nightstand, and gently place it in her bag.

Now it was my turn. I won't need much on draft, but I will need a few necessities. I grab my box of pads from the washroom, my tunic, my boot polish, and few other things I need for my uniform. Knowing I will not need my dress uniform, I leave it in my closet, hanging proudly.

I wish I had more notice, my hair alone will take at least 10 minutes. I slip on my combat uniform, which was essentially a brown camouflage onesie as my old team and I would say. The fabric fit against me like a second skin. It was comforting in a way to wear it.It reminded me of how much I had done, and how much I had lived through.

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I all but bolt to the washroom in order to get my wild black hair to cooperate.

After about ten minutes of pulling, pushing, and all but using a entire can of hairspray, I finally get it to work. It is in a tight bun at the nape of my neck, and threatening to snap the elastic. Heaving a large sigh, I look down at my watch only to see I had 10 minutes. Crap.

I grab my locket with Lynn's picture in it, my dog tags, and the bags, and run out to my car. I through the bags in aggressively, and slip my locket on, along with my dog tags.

Walking back through the door, I gently pick Lynn up, who was still wrapped up in the blanket, and snatch my cap off the counter.

Taking a once over of the house, nearly committing it to memory, I see everything is off, and its pitch black. Turning around, I rush out the door, quicking locking it behind me.

I place Lynn in her car seat, and start the car. I all but speed to Leslie's house. As soon as I enter the driveway, he is standing there ready to take Lynn.

"Norris, I got it from here. Lynn will be in safe hands."

"Please tell her where I am, she fell asleep before I got the call." He nods and takes her from the car seat, while I get the bags. I can't help but think I forgot something, then it dawns on me. I forgot her pills! In a frenzy, I tell him to go to my house in the morning and grab the pill bottles above the sink. He nods, and takes the bags from me as well. Tears well up in my eyes, as I kiss her forehead.

Forcing myself to turn around, I get back in my car and drive away. Driving away must have been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Taking one last look at Lynn sleeping, blissfully unaware of what's happening, a lone tears slips down my face.

-

"You guys will be dropped off at a camp, just north of a place called Balad. Then after a few nights, Norris will lead you all to a new camp that you make yourself. Further instructions will be given in nine days. Any questions?" Sgt. Malka had commanded.

A young boy piped up in the back, "Sir, who are those people? Will they be joining us?" He had pointed to our right, and looking over I see no one other than my team. A giddy feeling fills me, will they be coming? Why were they here?

"Yes they will be joining all of you, though I'm sure that Norris know who they are." Unable to speak, I only nod. Those people are my family. Those people have saved my life on more than one occasion.