Please Don't Say You Love Me

I Hate The Sun

You know those days where you just can't get out of bed unless a drill sergeant literally pulls you out of it? I didn't until today.

My body woke up at five, but my mind was still asleep at noon. Lynn tried to wake me, but with no luck. So she got Adam to take her to timmies. Why I let them go is beyond me, but I just couldn't conjure the energy to stop them. Although after last night I trust him a little more.

I fell asleep in Adams arms, and woke up on the floor with a young woman standing over me, a sheepish grin on her face. She was in full dress uniform, and her brown hair pulled into a tight knot at the base of her neck. Her jaw was squared, and bright blue eyes shone down.

"Ma'am Sergeant Davis sent me here and told me to take drastic measures, as you can see I did." The woman explained. My curtains were drawn, allowing the sunlight to peer through. Fucking bitch. "You need to be ready five minutes ago, the awarding ceremony is about to begin. Everyone else is already there.

Realizing what day it is, I shoot up so fast I could rival a teenage boys boner. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck,girl can you grab me my dress form?" Since she's here she might as well help out a girl out.

I run into the bathroom across the hall, and begin to tackle my hair. Looking in the mirror was something I didn't do a lot as a teenager. Mostly because of my self conscious, but the other part was my puffy eyes. I had no escape from my emotions so the only way I could ever let them out was by crying. As I grew I found ways to express them. I started boxing, I began to write, I even joined the air force to help. My mind is always busy now. I don't have time to think about my appearances.

Grabbing the hair spray, I tackle the mountain of mess I call my hair. After about five mites of pulling, twisting, summoning demons, and spraying, my hair is finally in a proper bun at my neck. I run out of the washroom to see my boots, and uniform laid out on my bed. I have got to thank the girl when I see her again.

Dressing Doesnt more than two minutes. I had my tunic, side cap, and boot on in record time. My medals shining proudly in the sunlight. I know I should be proud of them but they only give me despair. Everytime I look at them I am reminded of how many lives had to be cut short because of them. Reminded of the shame I felt after each life I took. And now I am about to reminded of it all again, only this time I have no shame. I am empty, nothing can hurt me now.

Getting to the centre of the base was easy, getting inside the building where the ceremony is held without being noticed will be a different feat. The double doors stand mencisingly, as if they are taunting me. They re saying that I am not as strong as I feel, I am small. I am breakable, I am just another puny human trying to do what's best.

There no options where I get in undetected. So I say fuck it, and throw the doors open. Everyone turns their head to see what caused the disturbance in the ceremony. The precious ceremony. The crowd looks ready to kill, but a few of the faces are soft, seeing my tear stained face. This is wrong, I don't want their pity. I want this to done with, I want to go home and watch dumb movies with Lynn. The one person I know who will never hurt me the way everyone else has.

I ignore the people looking at me, and focus on the stage where my family- no. I refuse to call them that now. Not after the years of lies upon lies. My feet move as though someone else is controlling them. I will not let them see me like this, they don't deserve it.

I straighten my back, square my jaw, and drop my face. All seven of them are there, looking guilty as hell. Good. "Norris how nice of you grace us with your presence." The announcer exclaims.

"Lets just this over with so I can go stuff my face with some ice cream." I retaliate. Gasps ring through the crowd and the press make notes to cut that out.

Scanning the crowd, I see the woman for this morning with a blank face, until we make eye contact and she mouths 'good job'. I turn my head away and look for Lynn. I see her towards the back holding Adams hand. The sight makes my heart warm, but I don't know why.

"And here we award Anna Norris the Air Force Medal Of Honor, The Distinguished Service Medal, The Bronze Star, and last but not least The Defense Superior Service Medal. She is awarded these due to her unmatched bravery on the battlefield and in the sky.She is one of the most valued soldiers on our base, and on behalf of all of us here, we would like to thank you for your service to our country. God bless the Queen." A round of applause echos around the parade square. The man putting the medals on my tunic finished, and walked off the stage.

"Oh we have one more thing for you Norris." The announcer says, "Here we have a cane made from the best materials around because you missed your surgery date." I see Lynn let go of Adams hand and make her way up to the stage, carrying and large package. She stops at the stairs, and crawls up because her short frame cant walk up them with the package. I walk to her, and pick her up, grabbing the package along the way. The crowd awes, and Lynn speaks up.

"Thank you Mama, I love you." My face softens, and I pull her into a hug, gripping her hair. My eyes squeeze shut to prevent the tears from flowing, and I can hear sniffling behind us. Then feet begin to approach.

"Anna can we talk to you?" Richards voice sounds behind me. No you can not. What more do you have say. My entire friendship with you was a lie. My marriage was a joke. Everything was a joke. They were probably jumping for joy when they found out that Liam cheated on me. That way they can go tell their precious Alpha so that he can come kidnap me.

"Don't talk to me again." I don't even give them a glance when the words leave my mouth. Saying that to the people who were once my family hurt me more than I could ever fathom. It felt like I being ripped in half, one half wanted to stay with them the other half wanted to move to Spain and forget about them.

I was hurt when Liam cheated, but not like this. I always knew it was coming, I was able to prepare myself. But this has left me speechless. I never thought this would come, I always thought they would be there for me, through thick and thin. I can take a lie. Something like them forgetting my birthday and trying to cover it up. This is far beyond what I can take. They lied to me everyday for years. They knew how much I love them, how I would do anything for them. And the never had the decency to tell me or even drop a hint.

I lost years of my life with them. I was captured in Iraq for them, I took countless bullets for them, I went on rescue missions for them. I did more for them than I do my own daughter. That is going to change. I am going to forget about them, and focus on my only child. The only part of my old life that I have.