You're not good enough.
You're too fucked up in the head to have friends.
Who would dare to even have you as an associate when all you do is glare at people?
You honestly don't need friends.
Friends are too dangerous.
You wouldn't be doing this right now if you did have friends, now would you?
Those were the voices that ran throught Eicca's head every time he cut himself. Every time he picked up that razor and ran it across his wrist, digging it in his skin until blood rose to the surface, those voices would always tell him that what he was doing was what he deserved.
There were too many scars on Eicca's wrist for him to be able to count them all since they were running over each other. But he always made sure to wear jackets and long-sleeves long enough to run over his hands. He wasn't very tall, but he felt like he needed them. And as he sat in the Sibelius Academy, all he did was sit there and wait for the day to be over. It wasn't that he wasn't smart because he was very smart, but he just didn't want to have to deal with school, just like everyone else that was there.
And sometimes...he would take his used razor with him. Not to cut or anything, but...he would run the tip of his finger over the edge...for comfort. It would whisper things to him, promises. Just wait until you get home. All of this could go away. You wouldn't have to worry about anything for the rest of the day.
Eicca believed all of it because it was true. His razor always kept its promise.
He always wondered during the day what people would think of him if they ever found out that he cut himself. He knew that some already knew about it, but they never confronted him on it.
He probably cries himself to sleep at night.
He probably hates himself with all his heart.
He probably wishes that he were never born.
He probably wishes he were just dead already.
Poor, poor lad. Can't stop the pain.
Too bad for him.
All of the things above were true about him. He did cry himself to sleep - every night. He did hate himself with all his heart - and his soul. He did wish that he were never born - and that his parents didn't have to put with such an excuse of a human.And he did wish that he was dead already - and that someone would actually volunteer to kill him.
But then Perttu found him in the boys' bathroom, a razor to his wrist, tear streaming down his face.
Eicca didn't know what possessed him to stop him, but he did. He forward and snatched the razor away, then grabbed his shoulders and shook him, telling him to promise to never touch that razor again. He brought him to the clinic and stuck by his side, even after the incident.
Eicca kept that promise, by the way. He never, ever touched the razor again. Because he was too busy falling in love with Perttu.
And years and years after falling so hard for him, Perttu fell with him too.
Eicca never even knew it, but...things got better. Way better than he'd ever expected it. And looking back on it now...
He was thankful.
(NOTE: This was just dedicated to all the suicidal people out there. There is hope. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I know things might not seem all that great right now, but things do get better. Always. I never want you to forget that. Keep hope alive. You're all beautiful and I love you. :))
