a/n: this is based off of the mini drama go back, diary so go check that out! it's really good and it's short so imo it's perfect!! i love go back, diary... so angsty and sad T^T i'm not too proud of this one but i hope it's ok?? uh comment what you think/feedback!
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5/29/08 11:24 pm
there were a lot of important things in your life. jihoon was one of them. along with food, family, friends, stability, all the good.
jihoon was your best friend, your childhoon friend, your twin flame, your platonic soulmate. call it whatever, but jihoon really meant a lot to you.
like every other day, you met up with jihoon to drink. you said it was a way to get the stress off your mind, to get your mind off the work, the bills, the struggle. it was more of just a way to spend more time with him.
you liked jihoon. a lot.
you didn't really realize it, mistaking your feelings as just old affection for the boy. but slowly, you found it harder and harder to hide your feelings, especially when he was hugging another girl.
you were jealous, but, you weren't low enough to admit it. so, as every cliche 'in love with best friend' situation, you ignored your feelings and went on dating whoever to get your mind off of him.
you found out that not every man is just as good as jihoon.
to you, jihoon was perfect. handsome, kind, gentlemanly, everything your ideal type should be. you shouldn't have been surprised when you realized that the men you dated weren't like that.
you could say you had a big problem.
soon enough you were boiling in anticipation to confess to him, to just get it over with it. he should know whether or not he likes me back. you thought.
so, you did. you confessed to him, a summer night, at a cafe near han river. it was romantic.
jihoon accepting your confession made you the happiest girl alive. that was the start of your relationship.
your relationship with jihoon wasn't much different. you were the same with extra affection and skinship. but, it was always comfortable. you still knew everything about each other, knew what they like, knew what made them adorably flustered.
for the first few months, jihoon gave his all into the relationship. and as did you.
but, after the 'honeymoon' phase, jihoon was more than falling out with you. you were understanding at first. he had been trying to find a job and the unemployment rate in youth had been falling quickly ever since.
you were too desperate to stay in the relationship. you let him drift away at the expense of your emotions.
you needed to get him back. so you planned a trip (an extravagant one), just the two of you, to perhaps mend the relationship. maybe it would fix the growing abyss between the two of you.
8/7/17 9:28 pm
jihoon: y/n, i'm so sorry, but i can't go...
y/n: what?
jihoon: i'm sorry, i have an interview that day
y/n: but, you said you were free!
jihoon: it was unexpected. the interviewer just called me.
y/n: let's talk
8/7/17 10:54 pm
"jihoon. do you not care?" you said.
he sighed, annoyed. "i'm sorry! i've already said i'm sorry, but this is my shot at getting a job!"
your voice warbled, tears gathering in your eyes. "jihoon! i planned this a month ago and you cancel it like this? how could you do that?"
"i spent so much time hoping to go on this trip and you cancel it? it's only a week away!" you started to cry in frustration. the stress of planning a trip and having to cancel it was already enough, but this trip was to fix this mess. this trip was supposed help your relationship with jihoon, what else could you do now?
jihoon looked away, staying quiet.
"do you know how much i prepared for this? am i just someone you can take for granted now?"
"we can go next time-"
"next time?! when is next time?! in a week? in a month? never?"
"..."
you stood up sharply, leaving before jihoon could say anything.
8/8/17 12:04 pm
"was i too harsh on him?" you wondered.
"maybe. i don't know, i'm not very good at relationship stuff." your friend minjung replied.
"i should apologize to him, huh? he's been having a hard time finding a job anyways."
minjung shrugged. "go apologize. he's probably having a hard time anyways."
8/9/17 1:37 pm
the next day, you were walking with minjung to drop off a lunchbox at jihoon's place. fidgeting nervously, minjung reassured you that jihoon would accept your apology and life would be all good again.
but, that sounded too good to be true.
minjung's eyes widened and she grabbed your shoulders urgently. "why don't we get some coffee for him, too? there's a cafe back that way, let's go!" she said, her face screaming nervous.
you shook her hands off of you and turned around to see.
jihoon. he was with his best friend hara. they were holding hands walking down the sidewalk opposite to you, completely unaware you were right in front of them.
smiling.
and happy.
jihoon looked so happy, you hadn't seen that look on his face since last may.
on his birthday.
8/15/17 7:48 pm
"hey jihoon. how did your job interview go?" you jogged up to him lightly.
"it went okay." he say, slightly coldly.
"oh really? i'm glad it did. did you miss me? it's been a week." you smiled. but, it held a lot more than hope.
"i think we should spend some time apart." jihoon said, abruptly.
you were still smiling, but your eyes filled up with tears. you took two deep breaths, but more tears could only fill up in your eyes.
"hey, jihoon. the reason i wanted to meet up with you today is because i wanted to ask you why you made up a fake interview and cancelled our plans, to meet hara." you were taking in deep breaths, but it felt like you were choking.
"i've wanted to ask you that for awhile. but, i didn't say anything." jihoon looked at the floor.
"i thought you lying to me would be better than you breaking up with me." you sniffed.
"if i pretended not to know, i thought it would be forgotten, so i didn't say anything." you looked down.
"but, how could you do this to me? i can't even pretend nothing's wrong." you started crying, letting your tears stream down your face.
"i deserve so much better than this." you said, sobbing into the back of your hand.
jihoon looked at you.
and he was gone.
8/16/17 3:27 am
maybe it was you. jihoon had kept sending signals, but you continued to ignore them.
you just wanted to untie the knot in the relationship.
it was jihoon who just cut it off.
9/19/08 4:36 pm
"hey jihoon, what do you think we'll be doing in 10 years?"
jihoon was tightly holding your hand, swinging his arm as he walked you home from school.
"in 10 years we'll be 29 years old." he answered, grinning teasingly.
"no way!"
"i think we'll have two children by then!" jihoon teased.
"hey!" you slapped his arm lightly, as he laughed softly.
