I Love U

Chapter 5

Colby
It's a couple days later since Brennen beat me up and I'm still feeling like shit. I've never felt more lost in my whole life. Everything has been going downhill this week, first...Brennen and I get into a fight, then Sam decided that we should take a break because of what happened a week ago, and I don't know what Jake and I are...meaning, do I like him? That answer is...I don't fucking know. I never really thought about being gay, or even dating a guy, so this is all new to me. I get out of my bed for once in two days and text Sam.

Me
Hey can we chill?

Sam
Sure you ok? You never say it like that..

Me
I'm fine

Sam
Ok come over whenever.

Me
Ok

I put my phone away and put slides on, I then make my way to Sam's. Once I get there I open the door and walk in. "What's up." He says, I close the door and sit down on the couch next to him. "I lied." I say, he looks at me. "lied? About what?"  He asks, I lean back. "I'm not fine. If anything I'm extremely stressed out and confused." I say, he turns to face me. "Colby, Just take a breather, everything's fine, we don't have to worry about filming anything for the next few weeks and Brennen is done with you." He says, I look at him. "I know...it's just...my anxiety has been kicking in these past few days and I have no clue why, I mean...I do...but." I say, he puts his hand on my shoulder. "Why? It will stay between me and you...I swear." He says, I look away. "Ok...I think I like Jake, but I don't know... I never really thought about dating guys so it's all new." I say, he stares at me. "Seriously? You think you're gay?" He asks, I nod. "I know it's dumb." I say, he holds my hand. "No it's not, I'm just...surprised, I never would've expected to hear that come out of your mouth." He says, I look at him. "Well it did." I say. "Why do you think that?" He asks. "Well...two days ago we were hanging out and all you need to know is we cuddled and I may or may not have kissed his cheek and bit his ear lobe." I say, Sam's eyes widen. "You're crushing...you're crushing hard...so is Jake if he let you do that." He says. "I guess I am, but he's probably not, it was once." I say. "There's a 50/50 chance that he is, so don't worry." He says, I look down again. "I'm gonna go try and sleep this anxiety off, I'll text you if I need anything." I say, he lifts my chin. "Don't worry to hard." He says, I nod, I then get up and he hugs me. "What's this for?" I ask, he giggles. "Cause I love you bro, that's all, I don't like to see you like this." He says, we hug for a couple minutes...we then stop. "Bye." He says, I smile as I leave, once I get back to my apartment I Shut the door and go into my bedroom, I plop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling until my eyes start to water from not blinking. Out of every unique trait god could've slapped on me he slaps gay...fuck...that's not even unique anymore, not that I'm not ok with it. After my staring at the ceiling segment gets boring I start to think about everything that's wrong. Brennen doesn't like me at all, he made that very physically clear, I've almost died three times now in the past two weeks, and I have a huge crush on Jake...great, life couldn't be better, I start to cry. I haven't cried from an anxiety attack in years, I get up and go into the bathroom, I turn on the light and go into the medicine cabinet, I grab a bottle of Xanax and sit down...I then take one out and place it on the table...I haven't gotten high off Xanax before, I'm scared. I look at it for a little...I then decide to put it back, I then walk out and go over to my bed.  I get under my covers, looking at the wall for a few minutes, but I start to cry, I cry and cry for a good hour. Once I think I have no tears left I cry more, I grab my phone and call Jake.

"Yo."
"Jake come over please."
"Why are you crying?"
"I don't know."
"I'll be right over."
"Ok."
I hang up the phone and continue to cry, after about 5 minutes there's a knock, I get up and open the door, immediately hugging Jake. "Are you ok?" He asks, I shake my head. "Let's sit." He says, we go over to my bed at sit down, he then grabs my waist and pulls me closer. "You're ok, calm down." He says, I lay my head on his shoulder and cry, he rubs my back. "Colby why are you crying? There has to be a reason." He says, I look up at him. "Anxiety, that's all." I say, I start to calm down a little, he plays with my hair. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and then we can watch a movie or something ok?" He says, I nod and get up, looking around as he gets up, I jump as the door closes. After a couple of seconds he opens the door. "Colby what's this?" He asks, I get up and walk over. "What's what?" He asks, he holds up the bottle of Xanax and looks me dead in the eyes, my heart starts to beat ten times faster. "You don't need a Xanax to feel better." He says, I look down. "What is it about them? I must be missing something." He says, I look back up. "Jake, I didn't take any...they do nothing for me." I say, he throws the bottle in the trash and holds my hand tightly. "Good, I don't need that around you." He says, he then puts his hands on my waist and and looks at me. "You look beat, let's go lay down." He says, I smile as we sit back down on my bed. After we chill out for a little we end up laughing ourselves to sleep, but at least I'm not crying.