Love for Rent

11

He moved closer and pressed both of my hands on the bed. I couldn't move.
"Stop it, Shawn! Stop! Just leave!", I begged him while he was slowly kissing my neck.
Now I could smell the alcohol.
"You are drunk! Go away! Shawn! Please!", I said crying.
Then I kicked him with my leg in his belly.
He let go of me and I immediately stood up and grabbed my baseball bat.
He stood up too.
"Don't come closer! Just get out of my house!", I yelled.
"I'm sorry, Cel-"
"You just wanted to rape me, am I right?", I asked with tears in my eyes and shivering. "No! Of course not! I thought that you'd want it too"
"To be honest... first I wanted it but then I thought about Cameron... Shawn. Just don't do it. We work together and that's it. Forget about our relationship", I said slowly letting the baseball bat down.
"I'm so sorry Celine. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to be happy with you again."
"It's too late, Shawn. You weren't there when I needed you the most. How can I trust you now?", I asked him.
"You know, I vistited your mother's grave everyday after our break up. I regret everything I did in the past. I regret breaking your heart for my own wealth. I didn't know what I had. But now I realise that you were the one who made my wealth possible. You made me happy and I was another person.", he said crying. Then he turned his back to me and left the room.
I sat on the corner of my bed and started to cry.
I picked my phone and looked at all the pictures I took with Shawn... and one after another I slowly deleted them.
I wanted to leave my past behind. Maybe my rented love with Cameron wasn't worth it? And there was this thing with my house... I had to play. With Shawn of course. But I didn't want to.
I moved to my balcony and opened the window. I slowly stepped out of it and tried to jump.
I had nothing to lose and worry about in that moment.
"Mum, I'm coming", was the last thing I whispered as I slowly closed my eyes and took my last deep breath.
But suddenly someone pulled me back into my room.
I fell on the floor laying on Cameron.
I started crying.
"What is fucking wrong with you,!", he started yelling.
I cried more and sat on the floor.
Then he came and hugged me from behind.
"Don't you ever scare me like this again", he whispered into my ear while he was stroking my hair.
"Thank you, Cam... but... I can't take it no longer. I just... Is it normal to love someone that much? Everything he does hurts me and makes me feel good at the same time. I don't want to love him but I can't do it without his love. Am I crazy?", I asked him with tears on my cheeks.
He placed his hand on my forehead. "I think that you are kind of crazy. But that's why I want to help you...", he said making me smile.
I hugged him but then I let go again.
"I can't Cameron... just let me jump. Let me die. I want to be free. Free of that pain. NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT MY FEELINGS! NO ONE LOVES ME! Shawn just does it to feel better! That's what Andrew always says! And Andrew? Ohhh Andrew... he is playing with me like I'm a puppet. I don't want to do this anymore. It's just taking my breath from me. Andrew bought my house... and he wants me to play for it", I finally said burying my face into my hands.