All of My Vices and Virtues ~ Ryden

Trade Mistakes

[NA || There's one part left after this, I have it finished so if you want that today comment..]

"Placing a smile at the perfect event

Gracing your skin with the side of my hand

If I ever leave I could learn to miss you

But 'Sentimental Boy' is my nom de plume

Let me save you"

I had to stop myself, pausing to think about the next words.

"Hold this rope."

~~~~~~~~~

It's our first big party because even though we've been invited to countless events we haven't been able to attend because at least one of us had been under aged, but now we're here.

" 'We should stay together,' they said. 'We won't get separated!' They said.." I mumble as I make my way through the crowded club trying to find my friends.

I'm dodging between people with wandering hands, moving hips, and wild hair trying to make my way to the wall of chairs that are not being occupied when I catch sight of Ryan.

Oh thank God! Somebody I know! I think just as Ryan sees me. He catches my eye and his before dull expression stretches into an excited smile and he waves me over.

I can't help but stop and stare before I get the hint and make my way over.

~~~~

"I swear! He totally just fell! Right there on the sidewalk in front of her mom!" We laugh and he takes another bite of his pizza.

"Uh, Ryan you've got something uh.." I fumble and wipe my own cheek as demonstration.

"Here?" He questions and wipes his face.

"No, here." is say, gesturing to my face again.

"Here?"

"Here, let me." I sigh and reach across the table and wipe the sauce off of his cheek.

His face is hot and my hand is cold and I'm not sure if he means to but he leans into my touch and even after the pizza's gone from his face my hand stays and he's just looking and I'm looking back which probably means we're staring but it's not creepy and it's not meaningful... Probably.

~~~~~~~~~

"I may never sleep tonight,

As long as you're still burning bright.

If I could trade mistakes for sheep

Count me away before you sleep

I'll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away"

~~~~~~~~~

It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. "Brendon?"

"Hi, Ryan" I whisper.

He laughs, "Why did you call me at one in the morning?"

"Cause I forgot to call you before and I just couldn't sleep." I sheepishly admit.

"I miss you.."

"I miss you too."

"Hey, don't worry baby, I'll be back tomorrow night."

I smile, baby, "I know.. Good night, sorry I bothered you." I laugh slightly.

"You didn't bother me, I love you."

"I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~

I feel marooned in this body

Deserted, my organs can go on without me

You can't fly these wings

You can't sleep in this box with me

~~~~~~~~~

"Ryan we can work it out!" I yell.

"No, Brendon! You can't fix this one!" He yells back.

"Yes I can! I have to be able to fix this one!"

"Why! Why do you need to fix it?!"

"Because I love you!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Let me save you, 'hold this rope'

I may never sleep tonight

As long as you're still burning bright

If I could trade mistakes for sheep

Count me away before you sleep

I'll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"But I should call him." I say to myself.

No you shouldn't.

"He's probably calmed down by now."

You know he hasn't.

"He loves me."

...

"I'm calling him."

Do it.

It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. "Hey this is Ryan's phone, uh, leave a message at the beep okay."

I hang up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So let me save you

hold this rope

And I'll pull you in

Cause I am an anchor

Save her or feel it sinking in

Let me save you, hold this rope, I am an anchor, sinking her

I may never sleep tonight

As long as you're still burning bright

If I could trade mistakes for sheep

Count me away before you sleep.

I'll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away."

"It's not healthy to cry this much at work." Spencer says before engulfing me and my tears.