I tried to stop it from flowing... I tried to stop it but I failed. A river like tears came rushing out of my eyes. It was like he's talking directly to me. The same feeling Sanyun felt at that moment. He's giving us word of wisdom from the past but this one struck me the most. It was on point that made me realize that he was right.
"Jebal" I want to say it loudly... "Jebal" I want to shout and say "I'm not your puppet".
Twenty eight years of existence in this horrible world made me realize something
Lots of question came rushing through my mind and and started to feel the pain on my head and in my chest. Why I am alive?. Who am working for?. Is this really the kind of life I wanted to be?. What kind of path would I pave for my future?.
You are human.
How sure you are?. You have your own life but you need to live above their expectation because they gave you something as payment for it. Do I need to be like this forever?.
You are human?......
They will only make you do this and that for their sake and will care about you as long as they can use you.
I want to shout.. and shout all of this pain. Wanting to be free
I want to be free.......
Free from all of it.... free from those eyes.. free free from high expectation.. free from everything that will hurt me.
free from the pain.
"JEBAL!!!"
You're not a puppet.. I'm not a puppet..
And must not live like one.. having no choice is not an excemption.
Risk.... risk if you want it badly. Break from it. You can't do everything that they wanted. Doing that and doing this even you heart and mind says the opposite.
"Your worries is solely for you and for you only that you may use in your future".
People will always come and go. They won't give a damn about your life. They will only become curious about it, and will definitely forget it.
It's your worries and yours alone. Even wanting to share what's in the mind but others won't listen. They will pretend at first but will shut you the second. They will listen just for the sake of listening, but will not give a damn after.
You need to go on with your life..... with your OWN life..
You are solely responsible for it.
YOU only.....
Its you only... -_-
You alone....
