Untold Truth

6| Investigation

U N T O L D
T R U T H
chapter six

          The short drive home felt like I had driven across the country. Flynn and Dianna only live the street next to mine.

                           I can't breathe.

            The same crushing feelings I experienced after Sebastian's death are suffocating me. My keys don't go in the slot to unlock the front door, my shaking hands preventing it.

      "Come on!" I cry out, trying to slip them in. When they do, I throw open the door and stumble abruptly in. I would look like a mad women to anyone watching- stumbling around like I was intoxicated and all.

    The only thing I'm intoxicated with is guilt.

      The room around me spins as the walls crumble down, and my heart feels like it's about to explode. It all hurts. I can't stop the shaking and anxiety in my body.

       My hands grip the sides of the sink once I had turned it on. I dip my head under it's running water, knowing the best thing to calm myself down is it's cold temperature.

      I drown my face in it, feeling my shaking sensation and rapid heart rate slip away slowly. I didn't have to worry about having to clean up my mascara- over the year I learnt to wear waterproof because of the unexpected amount I would cry.

                  I stop the water when I regain a sense of control. I can still feel the guilt and overwhelming sadness, but it doesn't control me anymore.

          I can breathe again, it allows me to stumble my way through the house- the house that now is nothing more than the ghost of a happy family.

       I slide the glass door open and let myself outside to get fresh air, letting myself crumble down on the grass. I'm a mess. I've known for a long time, but I haven't been able to clean my mess for over a year.

     I'm seventeen years old, and I have Sebastian's and my own blood on my hands. I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety all because of one night. One night that's all my fault.