After death

7. Decision

It was already too familiar. The darkness in which I expected to find, yet again, some new memory fragments. The anticipation and the repetitivity made me wonder if this organised system ever saw some rebellion. It was so boring.

I was done roaming around nothingness hoping to see something special. Or at least so I was for what felt like a couple minutes. As I was sitting on the black surface, refusing to move, another memory had hit me.

My old house stood tall in sight. I'm calling it 'old' ,because I've moved around a lot during my life. I was actually in my neighbor's yard, looking for my shoes that their dog, so carelessly destroyed. I remember being so mad at my brother for giving them to him. We had a pretty big fight that day. But that's not all that happened. After I came from 'the walk' we both took in different directions, something even worse occured. I remember the living room, my parents, and much much tension.

- Have a seat. We need to talk. mom spoke and she was calmer then, dad was right next to her, holding her hand and looking as pale as ever. It was the first time he got off his bed in months.

- I want to say that I'm sorry first. my dad spoke in a tired manner.

- I'm pregnant. my mom threw the bomb and me and my brother, Arian looked at each other in astonishment.

- Me and your father are going to have a baby, a new beginning, and everything that stays in the way shall be put aside. she sighed and continued. Your constant fighting, noise and incapacity of living together reminds us every day that you are not part of this family.

I thought she was going insane, but my dad had the same tired looking and hurt expression and he agreed to everything she said.

- We have never told you this before, but Arian, you are not your father's son and Ariana, you are not my daughter. she concluded squeezing my father's hand for support.

- What? was all I could say to such a confession.

I remember it as it was yesterday, but it seems more painful every time. The funniest thing is that sometimes not even the pain can take over the anger and hatred that I've been holding on my parents since then. I was still not moving and didn't plan on doing it any time soon. It was just a waste of effort really. And this was clearly confirmed to me when I saw that after a while, without me taking a single step forward, the expected 3 glowing objects made their grand entrance.

This time, it was a shoe, a pregnancy test and one pill? These are just getting weirder and weirder to me. And in that same moment it hit me. I didn't move. The objects appeared anyway, which could mean only one thing: This is not a path, I just think I'm going further, when in reality, it's just an illusion.

I wasn't going anywhere, I even bet the rooms that I've been in so far is the room in front of me. Maybe I'm even in the same place. Maybe it's a trap? I shook my head and became aware of my position.

This chain of thoughts distracted me from the 3 objects I had to guess the meaning of ,again. Alright so shoes?
Fight with my brother, Arian. Pregnancy test? My selfish, control freak, insane mother trying to make a new family throwing me and my brother out just because she doesn't want to deal with us anymore, not able to assume her and dad's own fucking mistakes and making us suffer in the process. 'Boom' , the punch I applied to the wall on which these objects were attached, made an echo-like sound.

How can someone be so full of themselves? Especially a mother. This is not fair. What was she thinking? Was she even thinking? Does she realise how much pain could have been avoided if she just didn't give up on us for no reason? 'Boom',there goes a kick on that same wall and another echo.

This memory in particular is one of the few that make me lose control. Thinking about control, where was my mom's fucking birth control when she decided to cheat on dad with some random dude?

I really need to stop thinking about it. Theres one more thing I haven't figured out the point of, the pill. Theres something written on it and it says 'Cure'. Cure from what? From mental illness? Because my parents could definitely use that. Or could have ,anyway.

I can see it in front of me as if it's written in big golden letters, the purpose of all three objects. The shoe was for mending my relationship with my brother and maybe preventing the 'oh so many fights' that followed. The test was not used, so I suppose I could choose for my mom not to be pregnant and see how that goes. And the pill supposedly would cure my dad, who was very ill at the time. Basically, all of these things are able to change that one memory that has been haunting me all these years, but screw it. Screw it. Screw everything. It took me 2 times, and it's already too much, to understand that this place doesn't work with real.

I thought I have a choice at a different life. Actually, I have a choice at a different lie. The only truth was back on Earth. Here, it's all just a pretty lie. I am done with playing by their rules. You'd think that after being manipulated by a drug lord like Carter Adams and by my own family I  would have learned already: Never play a game by someone else's rules or you'll never win. And I want to win, more than anything.

And one more punch, then one more kick, the objects fell to the floor and lost their glow but a huge smile was forming on my face. Soon enough I made that wall my punching bag. Hitting it didn't hurt me and blood was nowhere to be seen. Perks of being dead I guess. I am not feeling tired either, it's just exciting.

A small crack made my uncontrollable fight with the wall stop and I couldn't believe it. Light was piercing through it, showering me with it's blinding brightness. Or at least, so I felt about it after being in the darkness for so long.

I let my eyes get used to the light and took a glance through the crack. What I saw left me completely speechless.
Let the new game begin, the one I have a chance at winning now.