Sleep never came easy.
Andrew constantly found himself wide awake in the middle of the night, staring into darkness, and thinking too much.
I just wish I had someone who can take me away from my own thoughts.
His mind was so evil to him. Doing simple things such as going in a car can make his mind jump to these crazy scenarios that causes him to spiral into a panic that no one notices. What's that smell? Is it a gas leak?! Is this car going to catch on fire? It's actually ridiculous how much he overthinks daily. Being a hypochondriac doesn't help with his anxiety either. It just sucks that he's so aware.
He envies Garrett. One of the most positive and optimistic people he knows. Why can't I be like him? So careless and happy? Ok, sometimes Garrett is a little too careless and it stresses Andrew even more. Sure, he worries too much about himself but he definitely spends more time worrying about Garrett. That man almost swallowed a thumbtack! He pierced his own ear and do you know what could go wrong if that wasn't done professionally?!! He could've paralyzed half his face or something. Andrew often finds himself scolding Garrett for doing dumb shit like this. But Garrett just smiles and apologizes because he knows that he's just caring for him.
If Garrett was here he wouldn't be thinking too much. Instead they'll be up all night laughing at absolutely anything, everything and nothing. Garrett is the only one who can really pull him out of his own head and help him enjoy life. Maybe that's why he spends so much time with him?
Andrew decides sleep wasn't an option and unlocked his phone. He often watched funny videos to distract himself from his negative thoughts until he falls asleep.
*****
They were at Shane's editing the latest conspiracy series. He hates Shane's conspiracies. Conspiracies are interesting and all but they just fuel his anxiety.
Andrew doesn't like hanging out with Shane more than necessary. He always has something negative to say. Also, the self deprecating gets old. It gets uncomfortable when Shane calls himself fat or ugly because he feels designated to try to make Shane feel better about himself but he doesn't feel like giving the "you're beautiful the way you are" speech every time. So he's left with an awkward silence between them. Every.Time.
The conspiracies are intense. One in particular made his anxiety skyrocket. Deep-fakes. That shit is wild. Andrew loves the internet but it's one scary place. Someone with the ability to deep-fake can end the world with a tweet. His heart clenched at the thought of everything just disappearing. Some idiot can cause world war 3. Every idiot has access to the internet.
This is exactly why he can't edit Shane's conspiracy videos. His mind is doing the thing. His hearts starts beating way too fast, his palms get sweaty and he's panicking for absolutely no good reason. He finds himself not being able to focus so he just closes the laptop. He shuts his eyes and tries to breathe.
Thankfully Shane is in the kitchen filming with Ryland yet another cooking video.
Nothing matters. The world could end right now and everything that ever existed in this world just won't matter anymore. I won't matter.
I need to leave.
Tears start to prick his eyes. This sucks. His mind sucks.
He knows how ridiculous this would sound if he tried to talk to anyone about it. He also knows this is considered a mental illness. If he told someone they would tell him too see a doctor or someone else equipped to "help" him.
All he needed to do was vent. He keeps it all pent up inside and it usually comes out as a non stop flow of tears at night.
He feels that flow of tears starting so he wants to go. No way is he gonna have a mental breakdown in front of Shane. He didn't want a look of pity and an "Andrew, you can talk to me, we're family."
He grabbed his keys and phone and speed walks his way to the exit. Shane and Ryland didn't notice him until the sound of their massive door closing behind him. He ran the rest of the way to his car and the tears were streaming down his face now.
Crying and driving at the same time is not easy. Seeing is hard because of all the tears clouding his vision. At red lights, people keep looking with concerned expressions. Thirty minutes into the drive the tears stopped falling and his face was sticky and tear stained.
He pulled up into a familiar driveway but it wasn't his. He ran through the side of the tiny house and stopped in front of the door. He was hyperventilating at this point with all the running and panicking and crying. He knocked frantically and a couple seconds later the door swings open.
He's met with a very confused Garrett who had his headset on. Probably playing Spider-Man.
Garrett notices Andrew's panicked state and the tears threatening to fall down his face.
"Andrew, what's wrong?"
