Randmoness That Comes From me - Random Stuff Series 2

A Lot Has Changed

Heya. Been a while hasn't it? Been a whike since I've updated this book. The last time I did was on Feb 18, 2019. A lot has changed... ever since I joined. I remember the old days....

Where wattpad seemed like toxic, where I was a naive 11 year old that was bored out of her mind.

Now I've become this monstrosity.

You can see the difference and how I changed throughout the years I've been here. I got worse and worse with my mental health...

My okd acdount.. If only I could go back to it, but I forgot the email... If I could go back to that account... I'd try and be the old me. The more innocent me. I miss that.

I used to talk to EmeraldCLovegood so much in there, I used to roleplay on her randomness books with her, Sara(h) (Sara(h) Bella E. Black I think, Emerald would know) and MaddiePurpleCat. I tried to tag both of them and they don't have the same user that they used to have..... holy crap...

Emerald would most likely remeber all the others we roleplayed with for HP.

Remember that time Delijah stabbed Bellatrix in the eye and Bellatrix said that she had eye insuramce, Emerald?

I miss those times... those times where I was way more active, I talked more, I roleplayed more, a wrote more! And now... I'll be only but so silent. You won't know I'm on unless I say something. I barely even come kn to read anymore....

I've lost all motivation I had. I want it back.

I WANT TO GO BACK DAMMIT!!!!

I WSNT TO GO BACK TO WHERE ME AND DestructorCorgis WERE FRIENDS AGAIN! I WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I TALKED TO Blazingcorgis AND ROLEPLAYED WITH HER AND DES MORE! I WANT TO GO BACK TO PLAYING MIJNCRAFT. (With out it lagging) WITH LunaNightDust !!!

No worries... I'll see Luna in camp soon.. maybe that can help with my still failing to forget des mind. I push her to the back of my mind....

But the moment I hear or see something that reminds me of her... I remember... and them I want to cry...

But I can't.

And I won't....

I'm not psycho....

I'm perfectly sane....

I swear....

I'mnotokay

oh but I promised my dad even though when I'm an adult Inwouldn't have to promise him anything and could do what I want

NOOOO SHE WANTS TO LISTEN TO HER DADDY EVEN WHEN SHE'S AN ADULT!

She knows who told her dad...

I thought we made up

I know who told her dad

She did

SHE'S A DIRTY LITTLE LIAR! SHE KNOWS SHE TOLD HER DAD BUT SHE SAD HER DAD KNEE SOMEHOW JUST TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE WASN'T THE BAD GUY! I SEE THROUGH LIES! I CAN READ YOU LIKE MANGA! I CAN READ YOU LIKE READING A PICTURE BOOK!

IF IT WAS ONLY GOING TO OAST BARELY EVEM 2 DAYS WHY COME BACK?! WHY COME BACK AND TEXT ME?! WHY PRETEND?!

IT NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HAD JUST STOPPED MAKING IT LOOK LIKE THEY REPLACED ME! THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDN'T ACT LIKE SUCH A BITCH AND SAY "What ever you'll be leaving in a few minutes anyways" JUST SO YOU COULD GO PLAY WITH THOSE STUPID UNDERTALE 'FRIENDS'

I DOUBT THEY'RE EVEN FRIENDS! I BET IT ONLY LASTED A FEW DAYS AFTER WE STOPPED TALKING! I BET THAT'S WHY YOU RETURNED! BECAUSE YOU HAD NO ONE TO TALK TO! AND YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW I WOULD FORGIVE EASILY EVEN IF I SAID I WOULDN'T!

This is why i rarely talk anymore....

I don't wanna be hurt again...

All of you wonder why I'm so protective, spam you, and always am jelous...

That's why...

I HAVE TRUST ISSUES OK?! I GET JELOUS EASILY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FEEL REPLACED! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE JUST A SECOND CHOICE! I DON'T WANNA BE THE 3RD WHEEL ALL THE TIME! I'M ALWAYS THE 3RD WHEEL FRIEND SITTING IN THE BACK JUST WAITING FOR ONEMOF THE OTHER FRIENDS TO FINALLY TALK TO ME!

I HAVE FUCKING ISSUES WITH BEING REPLACED OK!....

I just don't wanna be forgotten....

I don't wanna be replaced....

Why....

It's theor fault...

IF THEY HADM'T OF WORN THOSE STUPID UNDERTALE SKINS THAT WOULDN'T OF HAPPENED!!!! IT'S THEIR FUCKING FAULT! THEY CAUSED THIS!

I HATE THEM! I HATE EVERYONE!

NO ONE LIKES ME! I HAVE ISSUES! I'M PSYCHO! I'M CRAZY! I'M WEAK! I'M OBERPROTECTIVE! I'M POSSESSIVE! I SPAM!

JUST KILL ME ALREADY! GET IT OVER WITH STOP MAKING ME SUFFER! JUST PUT A LEAD THROUGH MY BRAIN! HANG ,E! ELECTROCUTE ME! ANYTHING JUST MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT ALL STOP!!!

MAKE THEM STOP FUCKING HATING ME! MAKE THEM STOP REPLACING ME!

FUCKING HIRE A BOUNTY HUNTER AND KILL ME!

I just want it over with.....

I don't wanna suffer anymore....

"Everyone has something to live for" "people love you" "you have friends" PEOPLE LOVE ME I HAVE FRIENDS MY ASS! TELL THAT TO EVERYONE WHO REPLACED ME!

It's my fault. I didn't leave to a different bed wars lobby woth des... that's why....

Someone...

Please... just make the crying stop

Make the pain stop

MAKE THE FRIENDS LEAVING ME STOP! MAKE ME STOP FEELING WORTHLESS!

GOD EXISTS?! GOD EXISTS?!

IF YOUR FUCKING ALL KNOWING ALL LOVING IMMORTAL GOD EXISTS THEN TELL ME WHY HE'S PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS! TELL ME WHY HE HAD TO PUT ANYONE THROUGH THIS! TELL ME WHY HE HAD TO MAKE ME EXIST! WHY DID HE MAKE SO NICE AND CARING?! I'M TO SOFT! I FORGIVE TO EASILY! I'D RATHER EVERYONE FEAR ME THAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FORGIVENESS!!!!!

IF YOUR FUCKING GOD EXISTS THEN WHY HASN'T HE SAVED ME YET?! WHY?! EXPLAIN IT!!!

NO! HE DIDN'T PICK ME BECAUSE I'M STRONG! NO! I'M NOT STRONG! I'M JUST A WEAK 14 YEAR OLD THING PUTTING UP A HAPPY STRONG FACADE TO KEEP OTHERS FROM WORRYING! I DROP MY FUCKING EMOTIONS THE MOMENT I SEE SOMEONE I DON'T EVEN KNOW IN DISTRESS!

I'M NOT STRONG! I'M WEAK! I'M NOT HAPPY! I'M DEPRESSED!
I'M NOT SANE! I'M INSANE! I'M NOT OK! I'M BROKEN!