Doctor Who. A Jolly Good Smacked Bottom

A Jolly Good Smacked Bottom

                         

We have been on the Tardis now for about a month...Well it feels like a month but that may be entirely illusionary. The Tardis is some sort of time machine, which of course we all know is quite impossible, but that's what it is. Anyway, it appears that while we are on the ship, if I can call it that, ship time passes, but once outside we are in entirely different time streams and the on-board clock stops. I don't begin to understand, although of course Ian, who is a science teacher, pretends he does.

But this is where we have found ourselves and we seem to have no immediate prospects of getting home as the Doctor says that there is a problem with the ship's navigation system. The Tardis is the Doctor's ship and he has been living on it and traveling around the universe with his grand-daughter Susan. And it's due to Susan, that Ian and I both got caught up with all this.

Susan had been attending the school where we teach for nearly a year. She wasn't a bad kid but could be extremely irritating with her know-all attitude and she was constantly interrupting the teachers. As her class teacher I got most of the complaints from other members of staff and I was forced to put her in detention several times. Ian, who taught her science, which was a particular issue as she seemed to want to contradict everything he said, and I, were very curious about her family. No one had turned up at any Parent's Evening and I was also very suspicious that she had signed her own detention slips. Anyway, one day we decided to follow her home after school. We went over to what we imagined was her house but then stumbled into this 'thing', where she lived with her grandfather. The Tardis they call it, but it seems as though it's some kind of spaceship and well, basically, we were kidnapped.

Now we are trapped, living here with them. Everything is provided for us by the ship's own internal machinery; we each have our own cabin and the kitchen is somehow automatically kept full of both cooked meals and also fresh ingredients. Even clean clothes. For everyday wear, we are provided with a selection suiting our style and taste, while when we land somewhere strange, there are clothes that enable us to fit in without comment. It appeared to me that the Tardis had copied some styles from Marks and Spencers, so Ian and I were well served. But although I now understood how Susan was always able to appear in a neat clean uniform at school, I wasn't so sure about some of the clothes she got out of the machine for wearing at other times. Jeans and those awful hot-pants were her favourites. However, much as I dislike these current fashions, there were times though, when in my opinion, hot pants were just what that young lady merited.

For me, I think my favourite costume was that provided when we found ourselves with Marco Polo and were given flowing robes in crimson, trimmed with gold thread.

Anyway we have just landed somewhere new again and as usual the Doctor's first priority is to check exactly when and where we are. Apparently, to reset the ships navigation equipment properly, in order that we could choose our destination for once, instead of just blundering around, precise coordinates for space and time have to be entered. But it seems to be almost impossible to fix both accurately. Ian says it's something called the Uncertainty Principle? Well be that as it may, the Doctor and Ian have gone off exploring for a couple of hours looking for clues both to our location and to the local time, while Susan and I have been left here, tidying up. Although the Tardis provides all we need, it doesn't seem to clear things up. However there are recycle cabinets on board and if we put the dirty clothes and the dirty dishes in them, they are somehow taken care of.

Susan is sulking at the moment because I have made her clear up her cabin, which as usual is a total mess. She wants to be out exploring, but she has tried that before by herself and got lost. We don't know yet whether this place is safe.