𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕤

{ i'm fine }

written by: myself
published: 13 april, 2019

i just want it to fucking stop

i want everything to fucking stop

i tell everyone every day that i'm fucking fine

and i guess that gives them a right to tell me about their problems?

apparently,

if i'm okay,

it won't hurt me for them to be negative near me.

i'm trying to recover.

but everyday,

i see people's cuts,

and i look at my scars and think,

"if they're doing it, i can do it again"

and everyday i see another skinny person,

and i think,

"i could've had that. i could've had that. i should've never ate. i could've been skinny if i didn't listen to him."

and so i don't.

i regret it. i begin purging again, i begin starving more.

and then i tell everyone i'm fine.

i'm good at hiding my emotions most times, especially over text.

all anyone ever wants to do is talk about their problems,

and i never tell them about mine,

because it hurts them too much.

i keep it inside to the point where i break down

and i hate it.

why can't i talk to people?

why can't i be open?

why can't i be fine?