Unworthy Of Love (BXB)

33. Choices

The downstairs room is empty save for the mattress on the floor. It's relatively clean, too. I've swept the place thoroughly when I first started sleeping here on the days my shifts were scheduled too close together to make driving home worth my while.

Raven walks around, peeks into the little adjacent bathroom, then turns to me, wrinkling his nose.

"Not five stars," he says. "Four at most."

"There." I hand him the paper cup I have brought from the coffee machine in the corridor.

He leans on the wall and brings the cup to his nose, inhaling the smell. "Arsenic, by any chance?"

"Why would I want to poison you?"

"I don't know. I can't think of any reasons why would you want to be friendly, either."

"There are easier ways to kill you if I wanted to."

"Easier, but less fun." He takes a sip. "Aaah...tastes as disgusting as it smells."

"Still does its job of keeping me awake." I take a sip from my cup.

"So?" He looks at me over the rim. "How's your life going? College?"

"Starting this fall," I say.

"Congratulations. Studying?.."

"Accounting and finance."

"What?" His eyebrows go up. "How did you get from a baseball star to an accountant?"

Something dark and heavy turns inside of me. "You know how I got there."

"Yeah, but I mean...do you like accounting?"

"It's not about what I like! What I like, I can't do!" I don't say 'because of you', but the sentiment hangs in the air between us.

He rolls his eyes. "I know why you can't play baseball, for fuck's sake, but the alternative is ridiculous. It's like you've googled the top ten most boring professions and chosen the worst one."

"Seriously," I say, blood pulsing at my temples, "you're the last person in the world who's allowed to have an opinion on that."

"Fine." He takes another gulp of coffee. "Go ahead and ruin your life, what's that to me?"

"Look who's speaking about ruining lives."

He makes a vague gesture with his cup. "Let's just say we won't criticize each other's life choices and leave it at that, okay?"

I turn away and step outside to throw my empty cup into the garbage bin. When I return, he upends his cup, then looks inside of it as if checking it's empty. I pause in the doorway, watching him.

In the weak light of the only lightbulb under the ceiling, his pale face is all sharp angles, with dark eyeshadows above his eyes and natural shadows below them from the lack of sleep. My heart clenches at the sight. Perhaps what I intend to do is too little too late, but I must try.

"I can't let you do this," I say.

He looks up and pushes himself off the wall. "Do what?"

"To destroy yourself," I say. "Catherine always said everyone could get rescued."

"She's given up on me, remember?"

"Yes," I say. "But I haven't."

With that, I grab the metal door and slam it shut.

I turn the key a brief second before the door shudders under my hand. Then it vibrates some more, as if Raven is shaking it by the doorknob.

"James!" comes his muffled voice. "What the fuck?"

"It just looks like," I shout, "that the only way to get you off the streets is to physically remove you from there."

"Open it!" The door shakes again. "Are you nuts? You said you won't prevent me from leaving!"

"I'm not preventing you." I lean on the door, struggling with a sudden attack of hysterical giggles that threaten to choke me. "It's the door, Raven. Talk to the door."

"Are you mad? This is kidnapping! It's illegal!"

"So is prostitution."

"You don't understand!" Though muffled, his voice is clearly laced with panic now. "I must leave! You must let me go! I can't stay... there's something I need to do!"

"You don't have a choice," I say, perhaps too quiet for him to hear. "Your choices usually suck, Raven, so this time, I'll choose for you."

* If you enjoy the story, please vote or comment! It will really make my day! *