Self-murder (One shot)

Self-murder

I wonder why you always used to smile. I envied you because your life looks so fine, you have everything—beauty, brain and talent. And I have also found out that you have a heart.

You're talking about ideas, unlike other people who always talk about people. You have shared to me your beautiful perspective in life.

The longer we are together, the deeper I know you. I have find out that you are also optimistic, and since then, I believed that you can surpass anything, that you can surpass the worst part of life.

And then, we became close friends. As if we've been tied up together.

We are sleeping together, waking up together, and even brushing our teeth, we're still together. Taking a bath, eating our favorite meal and we have shared same things 'together'.

I have seen you in your better and worst, because that's what we have promised together—for better and for worst. Couples should be jealous by now because we have each other.

But I have noticed something in you. Lately, you became so pale, restless, your under-eye becomes darker, and your lips is bruised.

You were such a strong girl. You used to be a strong girl. But what happened to you? You have changed a lot. You started to wound your wrist, you started not showing up to school and you keep on crying every night.

I told you to hold my hand and tell me everything what happened, but you refused and said, "There's nothing wrong with me, if there is, don't worry because I can handle it." I believed in you when you  told me that, because I know that you can surpass anything in life, I believed you can.

One night, I was sleeping peacefully when I suddenly heard a sound that something has fallen, it wakes me up and saw that it was a chair, laying on the floor.

And above that chair, is you.

Hanging on the ceiling.

My heart started to ache so bad, it feels like it was sliced into pieces. I never thought that a good strong girl like you would do this. I never thought I would lose your smile forever. I thought you can surpass anything, but I was wrong all along.

Now that you left, it's hard to think how my life would become in the future. I don't even know now if I could still live and go on, if I could still pick up the shattered pieces of myself.

Now, I concluded that even how strong the person are, their brawniest tower can be trampled too.

You have swung for many times.

It seems like you're finding the ground. But I didn't help you.

I let you swinging like that, until you became breathless. I didn't help you because I know how it feels like. I know that you never think it was wrong, because I know that pain made you lose your mind. I know that you thought that it was your last chance to end the pain easily.

I know how it feels like to think that 'committing suicide is not being hopeless; it is full of hope that life could get ever better.' 

I know.

I know because I was like you too.

I stood up and walked towards you, I looked up at you.

And saw myself  breathlessly hanging.