A Requiem for the Damned
The stupid bitch shoved a concrete mosquito-shaped potato into her large gaping orifice located in the only place untouchable by man. Oven kind screamed for mercy as Mitt Romney slam-dunked her into the cornershop. It was a sweet success.
Everyone celebrated her instantaneous death even though ebola overtook them all within minutes of her demise. Sarah Jessica Parker obtained telepathic abilities but in return her oozing horseness radiated an aura of death. A young boy was watching from the distance.
His name was Adam Sandler. He was a fucking retard. He puts down his flute and resumes staring out the window. He screams to the heavens, "My shitshake has curdled". He looked at his flute and made the decision, his asscheeks clapped in mighty fury. He grabbed his flute with mighty resolve, his orifices bled sweet success as he shoved the flute further and further into Sarah Jessica Parker's empty eye socket "at last everyone can finally be at ease now that the horse-faced bitch is dead!". He looked on in horror as the theme of Sex and the City began to play.
But this was all just the very beginning...
Adam Sandler reminisced this faithful day as he stood awkwardly at the bus stop in New York City. Suddenly, the Golden Girls rose behind the cornershop where Sarah Jessica Parker's body was. Adam Sandler felt horrified by his lack of genitalia. Loyalty was all asunder, it seemed like a movie. An inferno raged within his colon, that damn flute.
The Golden Girls leapt obscurely to their deaths. They weren't necessary in this story.
Adam ripped his heart at the sight of his beloved Arnold collectible figure (from the hit TV show Arnold). Idealism spooned Christianity lovingly. Christianity was the little spoon. This was a metaphor for the collapse of Capitalism. Irritating clicking noises resounded. All at once, a host of golden daffodils killed Christmas. The rectal bleeding was getting significantly worse, he began to lose consciousness. The Siamese conjoined hundruplets initiated combat. Only one survived.
He reaped the benefits from the massive war, and transfused himself with the blood of a hundred Siamese children. He proclaimed "Wow, I really have changed" as his body started to reject the blood. He knew there was only one way to end this. In a blaze of glory, he dug a fishhook deeper and deeper into his spine. With one quick motion, Sarah Jessica Parker was ripped out of his spine where she had been hiding and slithered into the sewers below. He was free.
The Wrath of Peace
The gangrene tunneled its way deeper into Adam's brain. Neolithic radiators are wholly unacceptable in contemporary society. Shackles of oppression must be broken if we are to progress as the human race, and thus Peace appeared from the darkness. "Now now, we can't have the shackles of oppression broken so soon..." And so Peace laid waste to the city in one fell swoop; the power of peace (and untreated strokes) had had their wicked way.
Adam gazed tentatively at the wasteland, seeking the answers he could not find elsewhere in the world. He was the lone survivor but he would live on. His vengeance for what Peacehad done would have no end. I suppose you're thinking this Peace person is completely out of context – you're right.
Requiem for the Golden Girls
Annie stared at the young Adam Sandler. "What a fucking retard. Look at him putting down his flute and screaming to the heavens", she thought to herself. She continued on her way to secure food supplies for the other Golden Girls. They relied on solid gold for sustenance. She heard faint screams in the distance. It's probably some horse-faced bitch getting her eye gouged out. She turned around and saw a dark figure, a bloodied flute in his hand, staring like a blank potato.
"Annie..." he said, "I have a favour to ask."
The Icelandic Embassy
An embellished looking man looked out over the crowds. It was amazing to see the entire population of Iceland standing in the single room, all 300 of them. They were here today to discuss the impending threat of Sarah Jessica Parker. The entire population of Iceland looked up in fear as they heard a horse's whinny. She was here. Before they had nary a second to react, the embassy burst into flames and the roof collapsed down upon them. With one neigh, it was all over. Sarah had struck. It was over.
A young Annie looked at the flames consuming the Icelandic embassy and she realized all at once that her years spent trying to learn Icelandic were now a complete waste of time. She vowed to take revenge on the horse-faced bitch. "Heimskur hestur blasa tík!" she screamed until her vocal cords snapped like elastic bands. She gargled into the open air for at least four more hours.
TO BE CONTINUED........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
